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Tuesday, August 20, 2019
Complimentary—due December 5
Compliment—with 150+ words—the essay by the composer sitting on your left at your table. You will have to read a bit of their argumentation essay to do so.
97 comments:
Abby Erkonen
said...
Mike-- First of all, I am on your side-- Christmas is obviously better. The statistic you used (9/10 people in America celebrate Christmas) really proves that. I really liked how you made Christmas a metaphor for glue that holds families together. Christmas is one of the few times a year I’m able to see my cousins and my extended family. I also liked how you used to word atmosphere then continued to paint a picture of the holiday season. When you listed the food, music, etc. I could see those things in my mind which I think is really good for the reader. I also enjoyed the pictures at the end of your document (the sprite cranberry ones in particular). In addition, the cons you refuted were really good ones to address like how expensive it is. Personally, I know my bank account is really suffering right now due to the holidays but ultimately it was a personal choice to go out and spend money. There are definitely many alternatives like making homemade gifts or doing something nice for someone. Overall, the essay is really coming along-- very poetic, very inspiring. Nice work.
Between your topic of does money buy happiness, I am split right down the middle. I believe that both are you are not 100% correct and that both are right. Although I do believe you and Avery make some very key points that would be hard to argue against if I were writing against you. The points you make with famous celebrities (I.E. Robin Williams, Kate Spade, etc...) committing suicide even though they have all the money anyone could ever ask for, shines a light on one of the most important issues in the world today which is constant struggles due to mental health. It would be very hard to come up with a point disproving that which I am not sure one can make a case that money can help that. I also liked how you guys brought emotional connections into your story. Whether that was family members or love with another human, that is just something you can not buy. Also, the counter-argument about donating money I believe was spot on. Is the money they're donating going to help someone? Absolutely. But ultimately they find more joy in helping rather than giving their money away which I think everyone can agree is an amazing feeling that can not be bought. The essay is coming along great and you have made points that seem borderline impossible to argue. 9.7/10,
Heidi- While reading your essay, you persuaded me into believing some of the ideas that you have that I had not before. For example, I used to think that the electoral college was not very fair. It made it so that even if you got the most popular votes you could still lose. However, you had some good points in your essay that made me think otherwise. One of those points being that it gives smaller states more of a say and makes sure they are not forgotten. This is very important for people like us that live in South Dakota. Also, we still are given the right to vote who we want in the electoral college. From your essay, I also learned more about our government like how we are a two-party system and why that is a good thing. Overall, your essay is very well written and very informative. Good job!
Cole-- I like how you are writing about whether Christmas or the Fourth of July is the better holiday. First of all, I usually would lean towards Christmas when asked this question. After reading your essay and outline so far, I am beginning to lean towards the Fourth of July. The freedom of our country is a big deal and I agree that we need to celebrate it. I also like how you are going to bring up the point of how you can celebrate this holiday with whoever you choose. This is a good point to write about because you are able to go to the lake and hang out with friends. I believe that family is important, but there is sometimes the unnecessary family drama that I believe most families have. Also, the fact that it is in the summer makes the Fourth of July safer. I agree with your point there because there will be fewer accidents on the roads since the roads will not be covered in ice. Your essay is written very well so far. Keep up the good work:)
After reading the beginnings of the composition entitled "The Mean Green: Why Money can't Buy Happiness" by Abby Erkonen and Avery Myers (great title by the way), I was instantly greeted with visual stimuli to help set the scene of an informative essay dedicated to railing against the materialistic culture the world seems devoted to today. After a convincing thesis statement containing reasonable points that anyone would agree with, the essay begins to masterfully employ CHESS persuasion tactics to best draw in the reader and change his or her opinion to the authors' side. Convincing real-world examples of joys that money can never purchase fills the essay's first paragraph immediately followed by a clever example of hypophora. The essay then goes on to introduce both contradictions and rebuttals, taking the arguments of opposing sides and using them against them, and provides key points of evidence and statistics. In the end, the essay serves a pivotal role in shaping the opinion of anyone who reads it, making it a stunning example of an argumentation essay.
Before reading this piece of the composition titled "The Country is Nice, but The City Will Always Be Home" by Jessica Blachowske I was not in favor of living in a large city. Throughout their writing, they provided many examples and benefits that, after reading, definitely swayed my beliefs in city life. Citing facts on crime rates, medical opportunities, and many other things in the city gives me as the reader many real, factual examples that are able to make metropolitan life appealing. Besides their content throughout the essay, their grammatical work was phenomenal—inserting multiple blockquotes as well as frequently using semicolons in the correct way. This composition was quite interesting for me to read because although I originally thought that my point of view on this topic was unwavering, it was slightly swayed after reading this piece. Using real-world examples when composting is one way in which they were able to convey their thoughts on their topic clearly and convincingly. This essay was very enjoyable to read and I expect that the rest of their essay will provide the same amount of information and facts.
The title of your essay already has me intrigued and desiring to read your paper. Reading through your ideas, I can tell your essay will be strongly supported by evidence and surveys that you plan to send out among men and women. I thought it to be a wise decision to send out a survey among the teachers in this school to see how they feel on the matter of paternity leave for men and if it is beneficial for women to have their partner with them when raising a child in what some say is the most crucial part of their life. I found it interesting that you mentioned the wage gap between men and women and that would in hopes solve, or partially solve the issue between different pay between the genders. You further mentioned in the ideas of your essay that in a case of parents being the same gender, who would receive "maternity" leave to raise the child. Would both? Only one? All of these questions that could easily be argued and make for a great essay topic. I am looking forward to reading your completed essay paper!
The fact that there are not many musicians who do commit and move forward with their talent to develop it further is very true. Being a musician myself I understand why it is like this. The introduction you have developed in your writing is pretty great. It allows the reader to think about what they are about to read and maybe even develop an opinion that either they will change or keep throughout the course of reading your side of the argument. The quote you put in about success was also a nice touch to your essay. You can see the truth in it in everyday life, in my opinion. When I was reading through, I was persuaded even more towards your side because I do see the truth in your argument. I don't think that musical training does make you more successful in the long-run but it does offer an opportunity if you develop it well enough. But, as you stated in your essay, not many people put in the extra mile to be able to open up that opportunity for themselves.
Even though your title is not finished, it already gets me intrigued to read your essay. The United States election is a very important topic for all of Americans and can lead our country into great times or great danger. For the president that we have now, many people think that he has done a terrible job, and think that he should be impeached, which is a whole other topic. The topic that you are writing about is a great topic and will be easy to write about. I like how your opening paragraph gets me ready for the rest of the essay. I also like how you give background on what the election process is like, and who can win. I like how you used other countries to prove how our election process is the best. The work that you have done is excellent, and I know you will do great in your essay. By the way, I agree with you that our election process is fair.
I have been reading your essay and I think it is actually extremely interesting. I do not have a very strong opinion on using video games in the classroom more, but the whole controversy is compelling. This topic is definitely relevant today. Technology is only getting better and so are the things we can now do with them. School does get boring after a while, so it would make sense to change things up a little. I liked how you clarified that Kahoot, Quizlet, and Gimkit should not count as a video game. It seems like a topic that is easy to compose about. The statistics that were put in about the costs of using games to learn were perfect. It was clear and smart. They make or break a good essay. I also like the use of your vocabulary so far. Most people just use the vocabulary that they need to for the requirements, but you truly use sublime words throughout. For these reasons, I am leaning on the side of you and Brian in this argument.
Quinn-- While reading your essay, I learned a lot about socialism--a topic I previously did not know much about. But now I know that socialism is a good idea in theory, but not when carried out. The title of your essay, “Wait, That’s Mine? No it isn’t : Why Socialism is a Bad Model for Society” is creative and interesting; I was excited to learn more about the topic. I really liked all the examples given in your essay such as Russia, Israel, and China. They really demonstrate your point of view and are good influencers. My favorite part of the essay though is your sentence, “Eleven years.” I love how it makes an impact and creates a little suspense. Then you go on to explain how unfair socialism is to people who have worked hard to become a professional compared to those who hardly work at all. Your essay seems to be coming together really well with some amazing points. I worry about your competitor arguing for socialism… Great work!
Sydney and Tanna So far, I think you have done a great job of coming up with arguments against a topic that seems like a no-brainer to say yes to, organ donation. If a person dies, their organs have no use for them anymore so what better way to use them then to give them to someone else? The argument for donating organs is very compelling, making it hard to argue. However, the counter-argument that people in South Dakota can become an organ donor at age 14 is also a very compelling thing to think about. Another good topic you guys are covering is the care of the doctors and whether or not some of them will diminish their care on patients that are organ donors in order to harvest the patient's organs. Both arguments you bring up are very interesting and I look forward to seeing how you expand upon them.
Gavin's collaborative essay with Mason is incredibly well written. The essay includes a great deal of variety in sentence structure, unique diction, and exemplary grammar usage. Professional and very much put together, their work has a great shot at convincing those who oppose their stance on the argument to change their opinion, or at the very least, consider educating themselves more on the topic: whether college athletes should be paid or not. The essay also contains multiple reputable sources, historical lessons, and real-life scenarios that allow readers to connect to an argument they may not be passionate about and give it the "executive sound" their document needs to push them over the edge and into the next level of composition. As the pair are both athletes in our school, I can tell this is a subject they will continue to research and improve upon, because it is a topic they care about. Great work!
We are partners for this essay and we have both been working on it together but I really do like how much effort you put into the essay and your writing style. When I tell you what we should put down, you put it in better words than how I say it out loud. I like how well you work with me and how you know what I am trying to say even when I don't explain it clearly. I think we work great together because we are both talkative and comfortable with each other than our essay is going to be great. Your writing style is probably my favorite part of the whole essay. I love your use of words and the emotion you can feel in the essay. Great Job!
-Brian- Brian and Daisey's essay is coming together nicely. It had a good structure throughout and a strong thesis statement to start. I agree with their topic by saying that video games should not be used in the school environment. The information I found most appealing in their essay was when it went on to explain how expensive it would be to integrate the usage of video games in the classroom. Their essay was compelling and made my opinion even stronger for their topic. I am satisfied in the classroom with learning tools like Kahoot, Quizlet Live, and Gimkit, and don't see the need for any new games. Even though technology gaming companies would more than likely give schools a discounted price for bulk purchasing games, it would still be an unnecessary expense that the school shouldn't have to worry about. I think Brian and Daisey have a good understanding of their topic and have a lot of experiencing to back it up. I am excited to read their essay when it is fully composed.
Before reading your essay on "Does musical education make you more successful" I didn't quite agree with you. I thought that success had nothing to do with music and that it couldn't help determine if you are more successful or not than others. After reading your arguments and points of view I completely changed my opinions and views on your topic. You gave great points backing them up with facts that couldn't be argued about. You did a good job adding the CHESS style of writing into your essay. I think a big factor in why I like your essay is because it is something you truly enjoy and care about so you have a lot to say! You also did a great job expressing your opinions while also acknowledging the other side of the argument as well! I learned so much from your essay on how music can help you and make a difference in someone's life. I can clearly see how music has impacted you personally for the better and that is just one example of how it positively affects people's lives and can make them more successful in the future. Good Job!
In collaboration with his partner Dylan, Jesse’s essay is off to a great start. The essay has a strong introduction accompanied with an attention-grabbing title. The introduction lays the format for the essay and the body paragraphs do not disappoint. The information is presented in an organized way that is enjoyable to read. I am also impressed with how much they have completed already in pages and the amount of research already being implemented. In a debate on whether money is able to “buy happiness” or not, they believe money can't buy happiness. Although I completely disagree with their stance on the topic, they brought up very valid points and incorporated relevant and convincing research. I also admire their assertiveness when they make their case; rather than saying things like “I think,” “probably,” or any other vague terms, they convincingly make their case with confidence and get to the point. Their argument was not able to completely persuade me; however, their ideas were hard to defend against at times. Great topic choice. Nice work.
I too agree that homework is very stressful and grueling. I also agree that homework is important and prepares you for adulthood. Yes, you do learn a lot from doing your homework like Calculus, grammar, and history. To get better at maintaining what you learn every day is built into homework to help prepare you for exams and tests. Practice makes perfect. Agreeing that homework is not just about the material because in reality (out in the real world) most of the material learned you will never use. Like all three of them mentioned, homework is meant to build and test your work ethic, time management, work-study, and problem-solving under pressure. The kids that don’t take their homework seriously will have a hard time developing these skills and will struggle. Doing your homework helps to set goals and accomplishments, without them nothing will ever get done. Hypothetically, would you want your doctor operating on you if you knew that he did not do his homework? I would hope not. I think that Jarred, Payton, and Jorey are on to something good and is a great topic that should be issued. They have pulled out great reasonings for why people should do their homework. Their essay is off to a great start!
Hannahs argumentation essay with Emily is about “do shows like 16 and Pregnant Promote or Discourage Teenage Pregnancy?”. Their viewpoint is that shows like “16 and Pregnant” do in fact discourage teenage pregnancy, which I happen also agree with. I think that shows like “16 and Pregnant” show teenagers how hard it is to raise a baby. It shows them that they have to put their life on hold and find ways to support their kid. Their essay is off to a strong start and has great potential. They have a strong thesis statement along with many facts to back up their viewpoint. The fact that stood out the most to me in their essay was “programs like “16 and pregnant have reduced the birth rate by six percent, preventing around twenty thousand births in areas where teenagers watch MTV which is where shows like “16 and Pregnant” are aired”.
Since I am no longer inside the classroom, the rule of look to the person at your table to your left is impossible due to the fact I am writing my compliments outside of class means I selected an essay for another class period to write about. I chose the opposing side of my group's topic of video game use in the classroom. From my quick speed read of what Brian and his partner have written so far, they have their counter-argument to our points already selected; and on Tuesday, I recall Brian working on math for their cost argument in their essay. Albeit they could and should rework their introduction due to their claim of, "Video games are still not present in schools," is outright false due to the use of Minecraft in gifted-education in the elementary schools and middle school, Mario Kart in Mrs.Ebright class, use of things like Gimkit and Kahoot; are all video games by definition and are used in classes as of today.
Braden Skow is writing about why homework is not necessary for a good education. I agree with this, even more so after reading his writing. His writing is very interesting and keeps me reading. The introduction him and Jackson have made is very good, which is important to a good essay. The introduction is what hooks the reader before getting into the “meat” of the essay. The follow up paragraphs are also written very well. Braden and Jackson have used their sources to cite information that is beneficial to them and their cause. They have also used information from the sites to help guide their essay, even if they did not use it as a cite. Braden and Jackson still have work to do when it comes to finishing their essay, but I think the good start they have will only benefit them the rest of the way through the essay.
I sit to the right of Grace Hansen, which means I was reading Grace and Abby Waldner's argumentative essay. Their essay is about whether or not children's cartoons help them in the real world or if the cartoons promote whiny behavior and unrealistic expectations from family, friends, etc.. I think they do a great job of making their topic relevant to the reader, as I'm sure at some point in all of our lives we sat down in front of the TV and watched Spongebob for hours on end. This topic is something that I think a lot of people don't put much thought into. If a children's cartoon is on TV, it must be acceptable for all audiences, right? Reading their essay, it is clear to see that they have put plenty of time and effort into digging deeper and defending their stance that most cartoons shouldn't be watched by children. With astounding punction, grammar, and fluency, I'm glad I'm not writing against them.
Jackson- I found your essay to be very engaging and informative to read. I thought that the introduction paragraph was great at engaging the reader and making them want to learn more from your essay. The statistics that you added in the body paragraphs were great. They offer information from valid sources that are directly beneficial to your essay. I also thought that your use of examples from Stanford was very helpful in proving your point. I did not realize that so many negative side effects could be related to doing too much homework. I was also surprised to learn that only eight percent of students receive the correct amount of sleep. I was not aware of the ten-minute rule about homework but now that I think about it, it makes sense. The endless stream of facts, statistics, and examples makes your argumentative essay very formidable. It would be hard to win a debate against this essay because you seem so well informed.
I sit to the left of Payton, and his partners are Jorey and Jared. Their essay topic is that homework is a positive thing that teaches students different skills and helps them practice for different subjects. I agree that homework is also very important in academic success. Personally, I can agree that homework is not always fun, but it does make tests easier. As they said, homework allows us to practice the material we are learning. If we do not practice, we will not get better. Their examples of what would happen to students if we did not have homework is a great example as too why it is beneficial. Each student has a different way of learning and offering homework as a way to practice can benefit everyone. Overall the essay sounds like it is coming together very well. It is nicely written and is full of great examples and arguments.
I would say that this argumentation essay has been put together exceptionally well, with giving a hypothetical situation in which many of us could see ourselves in, due to a large majority of us having younger siblings or cousins that we may have had to take care of, or maybe even have nannied or worked in a daycare. It is also a nice touch to use a show that many of us who are reading this can relate to with many of us having seen the show as a child or even a teen. I also liked that a new show was added in, because I may have never sat down to watch Doc McStuffins, but I could tell you the main points of the show from having it in the background or sitting down with my almost-two-year-old cousin and her three-month-old sister. In summary, I would agree with what has been said in this essay in that TV shows are good for kids because it can teach them how to care for others and other valuable life lessons that they may not get to see and learn otherwise.
Ethan Kjenstad is writing about how Alabama is a better college football team than NDSU. I strongly agree because they have the best record in history. He starts each paragraph differently and it grabs the attention of the ready and makes them want to keep reading because it flows so well. He did a great job incorporating parenthesis at the right time shows he knows what he is doing and when to use them properly. Even now with how little they have done and how little I pay attention to College football they have some very interesting facts that are fun to read about and very well constructed. I am excited to read it when it is finished because of how great their writing style and so intricate. Very good how he is comparing stats with NDSU and showing how Alabama stats are better to persuade the readers.
While reading Dylan's and his partner Jesse's essay I thought that it was very well written. From reading just the introduction the essay brought me into reading more of the essay. They used a question after their first sentence to make us readers think about the question throughout. Then right after that, they found a strong quote about how all possessions are temporary. The body paragraphs are just as interesting as the introduction as they continue to ask questions and answer them with statements backed up with statistics and quotes. Another thing that I noticed was how they switch up their sentence structure. When making a paragraph they don't repeat the same word at the beginning of each sentence instead they spice it up to make the essay an enjoyable yet informal read. Overall when reading Dylan's essay I found many things to help improve an essay of my own and took his side on why money isn't able to buy happiness.
Katie’s argumentative essay with Yeshari is about the topic, “Technology has a Positive Effect on Relationships.” They believe that technology should be limited because it has a negative effect on relationships. Distractions, depression, and lack of intimacy are just a few points they make in their essay. They have a very strong introduction that does a good job drawing in the reader. I like that they are adding a lot of statistics and taking surveys to back up their viewpoints. This should help persuade readers to agree with them. They have also included a story about letting go of technology. In the story, Yeshari signed out of snapchat for a week! She felt that a “weight had been lifted off her shoulders.” I think including stories is a good way to persuade the reader. This is something I might use in my essay. Overall, I think Katie and Yeshari have a very well-written essay.
Hannah- Right away when I read the title I was hooked to see what the horrifying reality is just like everyone else who is going to read your essay. Also right away in the into you through in a great pathos that really hits home with the reader. In your intro, you also have great use of vocabulary words that really shows the reader that you mean business and are serious about your topic. Also, the anadiplosis at the end of the introduction serves as a great prelude to what you are going to argue in the rest of the essay. I also like how you have set up the essay so it allows for a person that doesn’t have a lot of information about foster homes to know what is going on. I know that you aren’t done with your essay yet but I know that the rest of the essay is going to be great. There isn’t a chance that the opposing side is going to win against you.
From only reading your introduction, I am beyond intrigued about the topic you chose to argue about with your partner Jimmy. You are arguing that musical training makes one more successful, happy, and content with life. I would stand by your argument and have to agree with you completely. I had no idea how much music influenced some of the most well-known people in the world. I knew that music helped people with some things previous to reading your essay, but I had no idea that a lot of inventors, astronauts, and actors were well-versed in the Fine Arts. Your introduction lured me in completely. I felt that it was very well written and it had many different writing methods we have learned throughout our Term Tuesdays. Your vocabulary was poised and it made the introduction come to life. Also, your title was very catching and drew me in even faster than before. I can not wait to read your essay because, by the looks of it, it will be a showstopper.
Kate- After reading what you have written in our essay, I feel that we have a great start for the rest of our essay! I love that you are able to back up each of your points with solid information and if anyone else would read it, they would be truly convinced that flying is superior to driving. You have come up with such strong ideas that make for a powerful argumentative essay. I personally prefer flying instead of driving for a vacation and I did not realize how convenient it actually is. When you mentioned the fact about how safe planes are compared to cars it was shocking to me and it was a good idea to address. Though I prefer flying, I felt road trips were also fun; however, after reading what you wrote about all the complications and stresses of driving, I am 100% for flying to your destination for any vacation. I feel this essay is coming along great and I love all that you have provided to this essay!
Henry and Harry-- Your essay about how the voting process of the president is very persuading. I believe this topic is a great one for an argumentation essay because it can be controversial in our society. You bring up a lot of great points and facts to back up your arguments. You bring up an interesting idea about how wealth influences the election. I never really thought about that but I think that it is completely right. The wealthier does have a better chance of winning an election due to the capability of better campaigning and more resources at their hands. You guys also mention how the electoral college does not take full consideration of the voters and I also believe this can be true at times. Overall your argumentation essay is very strong and it did a good job of persuading me to think something I did not originally believe when first reading the title of the essay. Keep up the good work!
Initially, my original thought was that Christmas is a better holiday than the 4th of July. The main point in your essay that you brought up that really swayed my decision was when you mentioned how freedom allows us to celebrate these holidays such as Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. Another factor that began to sway me that I didn't even think about was safety. Also with fireworks, it is up to the individual to be responsible and safe with the fireworks because most of the accidents happen because of the person messing around or not following safety procedures; on the other hand, with bad weather and bad road conditions, you can be the safest driver and still possibly get in an accident because of other drivers. Overall, your essay is very constructive and powerful so far, and I am now leaning more towards the side of the 4th of July is better than Christmas.
After perusing the essay done by Braden and Austin, I found their information quite intriguing. The topic over debate is whether parents using Life 360 is an invasion of privacy. I overall believe Life 360 is an invasion of privacy, but throughout the essay both stated good points that go against my opinion making me agree with some of the stuff that was said. The two pose a strong debate about this topic and I personally feel like it could be difficult to argue against the two about it. The parts of the essay that are done, do a considerable job showing how Life 360 can help with a lot of dangers, especially when it comes to accidents. Braden and Austin both seem to be on the same page while writing allowing the paper to flow smoothly. If the essay continues to be written with the same intensive ideas and facts as it already has, it will help them to complete a great paper.
Lizzi Your introduction made me read the whole essay up to the point it is at now. I was captivated and I did not notice myself continuing to read. I think that arguing over equal protection is a very good thing to bring up! I understand your side of the argument very clearly, you do a good job describing situations with detail. I realize that there is discrimination as well as issues with the protection of certain kinds of people and find your points very relevant for that reason. I was interested to see that you bring up a lot of sides to the argument, you include many races and types of people, such as the blacks and LGBTQ community to show your point on a lot of levels people might understand. I think that your essay will continue to look like this and it will be a masterpiece by the time you are done with it!
Zach: After reading Zach and Hunter's essay, I can tell they are passionate about the topic they chose, and that makes their argument more interesting to read. I like how they have a lot of good points already with the research they've done. Also, their topic is based a lot on opinions, so I like that they have mentioned that fact. They have also explained that there are also facts about their argument that are not purely opinion. So far, they also have a few specific examples that add to the persuasiveness of their essay as a whole. The first few lines of their conclusion are very intriguing, and I would like to read the rest of the essay when it is finished because I am interested in their other arguments. Overall, I think that their essay has a really good start, and that they are going to have a really good finished product if they continue writing the way they do!
Megan I respect the title you used in your essay. I have always loved the comedic touches you add for the reader. While reading your essay, I noticed you have good flow to your essay and I think that is really important to the reader. The way you choose to add in popular movies and relatable points really helped me stay engaged in the essay and I really wanted to know what would come next. Also, I noticed you added a checklist at the end of your essay. Although I know this isnt part of the essay itself, I still greatly appreciate the organization you allowed. I loved it so much that I plan on adding it to my essay to help better my ideas and have knowledge on what I should complete next. Adding exclamation points also showed your enthusiasm towards your topic and I think that really helps the engagement.
Henry and Harry, So far I've read your title. It has intrigued me and I am excited to read your essay and learn your thoughts on this, because it is something that I actually think about a lot. A vote is "the defining factor between tyranny and democracy." This stood out to me, and I like how you began with clarifying the significance of a vote so that the reader knows how important it is that our election process is unfair. Then you explain how easy it is for our system to become morphed, all while smoothly incorporating CHESS. It was neat to read not just about the history of the electoral college and why it's out of date, but also about the ludicrosity of a two-party system. The quote you used by Lisa Disch, comparing the two-party system to a store that has only two styles of shoes or two kinds of vegetables, both strongly supports your arguments and provides the reader with another perspective to consider it from. Your research is strong, well-sourced, and fluidly incorporated throughout your essay. However biased, I am convinced. I hope someday we can rewrite the system.
Emily M- Since Emily is also my partner for this essay, I will go off of the paragraphs that she personally added to our essay. She took on defending the topic that money can provide happiness by providing extra cushion month to month for those who are currently living paycheck to paycheck. Emily did a great job of putting the reader in the shoes of someone who is living under a tight financial situation. By doing this, the reader can understand the multitude of stress that comes with something as routine as bills. Emily takes that opportunity to prove how some extra money each month can allow that one family relief across multiple ways. She used a strong citation that emphasizes how prominent stress is (specifically financial) on the average American. From that source, she includes the health risks that come from stress. Overall, the paragraphs that she has added to our essay continue to show that even if some believe money can not buy happiness, they will not be able to deny that the benefits of even a little extra cash can help many breathe easier and live a less stressful life.
Madi Albertson and Jenna Long’s essay starts off strong with a solid opening paragraph that effectively highlights their topic over how money can bring happiness. Certain examples such as how money can be used to have fun experiences with friends and family, are especially effective when pushing their argument. Other examples were interesting to read due to them having specific real world examples such stories of donation. While the topic itself may not be wholly original, the effort they have put in to make it their own argument is commendable. They have also started referencing scientific organizations which is smart as it would be evidence that would be hard to argue with. Their essay has surprised me with the amount of examples and evidence supporting their claim. I believe this essay, when finished, would convince anyone why money can in fact bring great happiness. For now they have a good start to their essay.
The topic of your argumentation essay is very interesting. I have never heard this topic argued over. The introduction is very clear and well-cut to what the essay is about and how it will be laid out. It is powerful and claims what you are arguing. In the body paragraphs, it is well setup that you restate your point and then have your subpoints after. your sources are not opinionated, but instead, are credible reports of personal experience or research. After your sources, you guys do a great job of explaining how the source helps support your topic. I also like you are keeping track of your works cited as you go along and not wait till the very end. You annotated bibliography then also provides more additional information that adds to the information provided by the website.
The essay is very well organized to defend yourself and ideas. It plays into each next paragraph very well and it set up perfectly to be able to flow and keep the reader interested because of the way the transitions work. By creating a full paragraph dedicated to a contradiction it leaves a good amount of space for showing readers why you are correct. Then, by following the contradiction with hypothetical circumstances, you create a wall that defends your topic very well by crossing off any possibility of doubt on why homework can be detrimental and leaves almost no room for debate from opposing beliefs on homework not being helpful for students. The argument that you have built is very strong and very hard for someone to oppose in my opinion. Your essay is coming along very well and is going to be hard for the people your going against.
Ethan, After reading your argumentative essay: "Country vs. City: The Grass is Greener Outside City Limits" I have concluded that living in the country would be far superior to living in the city. The essay that you guys wrote is very in-depth and gives many reasons as to why living in the country is better. The reasons that you guys listed were very logical, and persuasive reasons. It is clear to me that you two are passionate about where you are from. Is what I really liked about your reasons was that it gives you a very accomplished and clear feeling. It makes you believe that there is nothing wrong with this world. It makes someone that lives in the city, like myself, long to live out in the country with no restraints. With all of that being said, all of your arguments are solid and seem to have very few week points, which in my opinion, very hard to beat.
Before reading the essay title "The Country is Nice, but the City will Always be Home", written by Hannah and Jessica, I was in favor of living in the country rather than in a big city. Their essay overall gives me great facts about the positives of living in the city. I believe that their essay is set up very well and is very organized. One of the first things that really catch my attention in the essay is when you say, "Not the land of opportunity, but the land for opportunities". This quote catches my eye because it says that the city is the land for endless opportunities. Your essay provides many facts on why a city is a great place for people to prosper. I enjoyed your essay because it provided me an insight on how city life is and why it could be better than country life. Personally, I have to agree that country life is better because that is just my personality, but your essay has provided insight on why the city is good. Keep up the good work!
This essay topic is very controversial. You started out the essay stating your points and following with your information behind the points later. You did a very good job stating your reasons and explaining your opinion, while also showing your opposition point, and pulling in details from the other side of the argument. This is a very strongly opinionated essay, and you have built a very strong argument that would be very difficult to be put against. You created reasonings in the essay that is all backed up by research which improves your opinion very well. When including your sources, you did a great job showing that it isn't all about your opinion, but most of it is just plain fact. You have included all of the requirements while still explaining your opinion. Overall, I think that your essay is coming together very well, and you will continue to share your opinion in a strong way.
The essay has a very attention-grabbing title and a topic that is quite interesting. Your introduction with an example was followed up flawlessly with your thesis and painted a good idea of what you are arguing for. You use very precise words and pick what side you are on and make that very clear to the reader. You have a very easy to follow essay and everything is explained thoroughly. Referencing civil rights laws makes your argument carry more weight and be more credible. Your use of statistics specifically the one where your report 2/3 of people being discriminated against is a very good portrayal of your side. Referencing past historical events like the mistreatment of African Americans in American Culture is a very validating point to your argument and makes the reader realize the severity of the discrimination today. Your essay is a very interesting topic and it is coming along quite well.
Dayne I do not know a lot about football and who is the best team, but just the introduction has me convinced that Alabama is the best team. The facts in the beginning really emphasize this. I also like the thesis statement and how it slides right into the next paragraph. Each paragraph shows great evidence of how Alabama has been "conquering" and been on the top for quite some time and how NDSU is good, just not as good as Alabama. As a person not knowing much about football, I also really appreciated the paragraph that explained how NDSU is part of SEC East and Alabama is part of SEC West, also explaining all the teams that are on SEC West to see the competition. I really enjoyed reading the essay and do believe that Alabam is better than NDSU from the small little part I read of the essay. It has a lot of facts and interesting information.
The topic of your argumentation essay is very controversial. Thanks to your easy and clear writing, it was easier to be pulled in to your easy. The introduction of your essay was flawless; you did a nice job of making me, a male that has never really felt discrimination, fill the shoes of a metaphorical person who was being discriminated against. I remembered that feeling throughout your whole essay which made me on your side. Very well done that is a brilliant way to compose an argumentative essay. You have begun to defend your topics and have the blueprints of what will be a wonderful essay laid out. All of the reasons you are stating are solid and will be tough for your opponents to refute. Although the topic is, in fact, controversial, you were able to persuade me on to your side, and surely will persuade many others. Super excited for you and your final essay!
Your argument is very interesting and brings up a topic I'm sure not very many people have given thought to. I think the way you write is compelling and it makes readers want to read what is coming up next. I like how you use vivid words to create imagery, especially when you talk about a baby coming home because that is one of the biggest joys of new parents. I don't totally agree with your stance, and I don't think men not having a paternity leave is discrimination, but I do like how you are taking both sides and trying to describe some of the issues mothers have after birth such as postpartum depression. With your counterargument, I think you need to discuss all of the physical problems, not just depression, that mothers face after birth. These things could be exhaustion, bodily pain, surgery recovery from C sections, etc., all of these things will not affect a father as a result of birth and should be countered in your argument.
Eli- This essay is very well put together and thought out. You have found tons of valuable information that really stands out to the reader. The information definitely helps defend your argument. Having all the information lets the reader really process and think about the actual facts of the subject versus the opinions. Having actual numbers to support your point really helps. Also having examples from actual colleges really helps prove your point as well. Hearing what actual colleges do for their college athletes really brings everything to life. After reading your essay, I actually changed my mind about the topic. I also feel that your essay flows really well. Everything is seamlessly put together your paragraphs and topics of the paragraphs flow well throughout the entire essay. Also, your point is getting across really well. Altogether I thought the essay was really well put together and thought out. I really liked your use of facts and numbers. Your essay is very convincing and even changed my point of view on the subject.
They chose to argue that bystanders do not have responsible to intervene when there is trouble. The essay has not been started, but they have compiled a good amount of information. I was impressed by the sheer amount of sources they have found on their topic. The have plenty of data which will be useful to use in their argument. You can not really fight facts. The sources are really good too because the are all credible. The information is from places like Berkeley. They also have some good events which add to their argument. It would be powerful to use instances where bystanders who tried to intervene were hurt and even killed. Overall, they have strong arguments on your side and I think you will be able to defend your points very well. Once they assemble their thoughts and evidence into the essay, it will be hard for the opposition to object to their points.
I read Sophie Van Horn and Olvia McIlravy's argumentation essay. They were fighting for why technology is, in fact, a positive influence on society. I agree with this. Technology is everywhere and there will only be more and more of it from here on out. I see it as a useful tool that makes everyday life much easier. Cars, phones, electricity, microwaves, etc. are all things that can seriously benefit the human race in the long run. I really liked how they focused some of their essay on the social media part of things. Social media is a very powerful tool. It can be used to keep in touch with people, spread information and inform them. I also liked how they used a survey to help get the audience's opinion on their topic and they found that most of those who were surveyed sided with them. 80% of them felt more connected with their friends and what was going on with them.
The first thing that caught my eye was the title in your essay. The title really drags the reader in and attracts them to read. Your essay is very well thought out and seems to be already almost completely done. Your ideas are very well thought out and flow tremendously. The statistic about how men only work about .8 hours more than women per day really shows your stance on the idea of whether sexism is still around today. You are saying that women make less money because they work less, which is true. You also included a statistic on the athletic ability between males and females and how males are more physically fit and are required to have jobs with more physically demanding jobs. The statistics you provide really contradict the idea of sexism existing. You also allowed room for multiple paragraphs to contradict your opponent. The argument that you have put forth is very strong and would be almost impossible to refute. Nice Job!
Olivia While there was no title yet, I could easily tell that their essay was about why technology is a good thing. Whether it was their composing or their use of final exam terms, Olivia and Sophie continued to impress me while I read through their essay. Personally, I agree that technology is for the better, to a point. I believe that it can be a bad thing if you rely on it too much; however, in the big picture, it is really for the best. I liked how they found specific facts to add to the essay, and how they were added in so smoothly. The different facts they incorporated into their essay put into view how many people use certain types of technology. I know that there were a few areas that were still in progress for their rough draft, due to the fact that they still had notes that were with some of their paragraphs. Overall it is a very well written essay so far, and I'm excited to see where this continues and how their essay will eventually turn out.
Brianna- I thoroughly enjoyed reading your essay! It was very well written and organized! Although I differ on your opinion that money makes you happy, I applaud you for your factual information. Your topic can be easily subjective, but I appreciate how factual and statistical the information you provided is. You wrote very in-depth and provided a lot of great reasoning. I really liked how you made your opinion clear and added stories. You and Emily followed C.H.E.S.S. very well providing for a great essay! I agree that many events in our lives such as going to Disneyland or the Bahamas can bring happiness. It is a solid argument to say that money can be used as a tool to bring us happiness. I like how you used statistics many could relate to such as the one stating, "144 recent travelers 94% of had an increase in happiness and felt that they had more energy upon returning home." Overall, great essay! I can tell you put a lot of hard work and effort into it!
Miles -- Your argumentative essay was a very easy read, yet it contained a lot of information. I thought that your ability to very clearly spell out the logic of your argument, and present it in a way that was easy to read but not a fluff piece. Many people tend to lean into repetition in their arguments, and just word the same point in a different way, adding nothing to their essay. You did not make this mistake. I enjoyed the flawless use of logic, that was not biased or naive. Not only were your arguments logical, but they did a good job of foreshadowing how you will expand on said arguments. As the person arguing against you in your essay, I liked that your arguments were valid, as arguing against flawed logic is virtually impossible. I look forward to contradicting you on all of your points, and I know that in the end, you will turn out a flawless essay that will also be a great read!
Even though I personally disagree with your stance, you guys provide wonderful evidence that it's hard to argue against. There is plenty of statistics used to prove your point about how underpaid college athletes are. It is also good that you brought up the point of how the NCAA makes millions off of college sporting events. Also using Tim Tebow’s story of having the best Jersey in the world and him not seeing a penny of it is a strong case for your stance. Using the statistic that players practice for 35.4 hours a week is a good one because that’s how much I work, showing that college sports are essentially a job. It is an incredibly strong point to bring up how other extracurricular things in colleges get paid. For example, E-Sports teams for colleges have a chance of earning thousands off of gaming events such as League of Legends and Overwatch.
Miles- While I do not completely agree with your argument, I can't really dispute it either. I feel like whether or not music helps you learn is 100% subjective. But I really enjoyed reading your essay. The essay as a whole was really easy to read, it all flowed together so well. You kept me interested throughout the whole thing and I never really felt like I was reading the same points over and over. Your introduction paragraph was my favorite part of the whole essay. I also really liked the quote from Vince Lombardi. The way you placed it in the paragraph also added to how it made the essay feel. Sometimes the quotes can feel like they are coming out of nowhere and feel out of place in a paragraph, but the quote you put in didn't feel any different than anything around it. I like how you didn't use crazy numbers and words to make yourself sound smarter, you kept it all pretty simple but also convincing. You did a really good job so far, and I am excited to see the final result.
Bennett- I do agree with your statement that college student-athletes should not be paid for the sport they participate in. I love the intriguing title that perfectly displays the topic of the essay. Since this topic is more of an opinion, you have found numerous examples and research to support your statement. I do agree with the statement that if players did get paid, it would change the perspective of the game. Rather than playing for the love of the game, they play to earn as much money as possible. As well as only trying to get better to be seen by other programs/teams. You have nailed the E section in C.H.E.S.S. You have added many examples and evidence to your essay which is portraying your side very clearly. As most people are not quite finished with their rough draft or essay in general (mine included), this is a very clear and great start to it. I would recommend having a distinct thesis statement that lists the reasons why student-athletes should not get paid. Can't wait to see how the essay turns out if you continue your hard work and dedication your putting into it now!
After reading your argumentation essay "One Path to Toughness: Why Adversity is Essential in Your Strengthening," I have decided that I am on your side of the argument. Going through a variety of moments or experiences, whether they be good or bad, are essential to grow as a person. You learn from the moments or experiences you go through. The first thing I noticed while reading your essay was your introduction paragraph. It already persuaded me to be on your side of the argument. It flows very well and you explained how reactions, good or bad, are a part of life and essential to growing. I also liked how you gave examples of growing mentally and physically. You explained that mental illness are not limited, but once they seek help they grow in themselves and are able to help others in the end. I also liked your example of the basketball player getting injured but then working hard to come back and came back even better than before. I also like how you acknowledged that gaining strength in yourself is hard but worth it in the end. Overall, I think you have written a great essay. Your argument is strong and you support it very well.
I read Kylie Felderman and Ella Simonson's essay. The way that they handle the topic without making you feel bad or guilty for not being an organ donor is very impressive and shows they know what they are doing. I also give them props for having all the things required for the rough draft already except for the annotated biography and not procrastinating tell Friday. The research that is being used in the essay is also very credited articles and the way they show they also have a firm understanding of organ donation is also impressive. I not only thought the essay was impressive, but it was also enjoyable. I enjoyed reading the information about how organ donation is improving people's lives and the fact that over 114,000 people are on a waiting list for organ donations. It was also interesting to learn that the demand for organ donation is increasing due to more and more people needing them.
Cade- I enjoy your topic very much. I agree that college players should be paid. There are a lot of reasons why I agree with this. People do not understand that colleges take so much from players for no reason. I like the way that you are trying to convey that colleges take way too much from college players and nobody knows what that money goes to. College players work extremely hard in order to get scholarships and try to make it to the pro level of their designated sport. They put in extra time that does not allow them to have a job. Their sport is their job. The sources you are using to convince others that they should be paid are indubitably sublime. It sounds professional and has legitimate sources. Overall this is a fantastic essay. Keep up the good work!
I enjoyed reading your essay, especially because this topic seems to be so controversial in today's world. I really liked how you didn't "dance" around in the introduction paragraph, but instead, you jumped right in by listing a few ways people can be sexist. The few ways you listed in the introductory paragraph are very obvious sexist ways that almost everyone should be familiar with, which is a good thing. I also thought it was interesting how you brought up how the women in the military are told to not let men rape them, yet men are not told the same thing when men are just as capable as women are to be raped. You bring up many great points throughout the first couple of pages you have done, without being biased, which can be very difficult to do with your topic. I think a challenge for you, and it is up to you completely, would be to try to include one more instance where sexism is directed towards a man instead of a woman. If you could do this, I think you could really target every type of audience and it would make it that much better. Great job.
The topic that you and your partner, Shelby F., is the debate of if video games should be used in the classroom. I do not have a huge opinion on this, because I do not necessarily like video games, but I do agree that games can be a fun easy way to learn. From what you have so far, I really enjoyed it. It was very informational and formal. Your introduction was very well written, and your first body paragraph was interesting to read. I liked how you included information about kids with disabilities because it is true that they take a different learning route than others. I do not know where you are on your writing or not, but I would suggest following the rules of C.H.E.S.S. to help keep it easier for you and the reader. Your style works just as well if you want to stick with that, and I do not know how far you are in your typing or if you are going to rearrange things either. I am very interested to hear your argument and the one against it.
Ceci- I quite enjoyed your essay. I particularly liked it when you stated "Whoever said "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" obviously never experienced a major crisis in their life." I thought this was hilarious and very influential within your essay. I also liked the emotion you put into your essay. You seemed determined to put effort and connection into the essay. Even though you are my opposition I find that it is factual and important. The use of hypotheticals was very inclusive within your essay as well, it helped the reader think, process and relate to the situation which was brought to them. I also loved your use of graphs which brought tangible information to the presentation of the essay. I also like how you used different perspectives to bring more viewpoints to the essay. Often enough, we use a singular point and focus on that but you did the opposite. I think your essay consists of good information and a solid argument, good job on composing your masterpiece.
I read Braden Wills and Jeremy Sommers essay and they had a very strong argument right away. They believe that animal testing makes scientific sense. Their introduction was strong and cohesive. All of their paragraphs flowed nicely. I think they should add more statistics about why it is beneficial towards humans. Have a heartfelt story of someone who was cured by medicine. Talking about how noble the animals sacrifice and how it is a hard discussion to talk about is a way to appease both sides. These gentlemen have accomplished a lot with their essays. I think they are at a good pace and have a lot of citations and quotes. I don't quite agree with all of their points, however, the ideas that I disagreed with were defended well. Their essay made me think about different ways we can do animal testing and why it makes sense to do it for humanity.
I enjoyed reading your essay currently titled, "Do All Have Some Moral Status: Is Animal Testing Justifiable?" I would have to say that I am somewhat on your side when it comes to this issue. I think that certain animals should not be tested on in labs. I enjoy how you give a definition in your introduction right away. This informs the reader of what your topic is about and what it means. I also like how you are using "C.H.E.S.S." properly and effectively. Your contradiction, in my opinion, is very good using PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), a very reliable source, to help get your point across. You are very convincing with your facts so far in this essay. It is impressive that you have over 3 pages but only have a few paragraphs. I am excited to see what kinds of personal experiences and stories that you two will add once you get your other paragraphs done! Good work Brooke and Taylor!
Lucas- I enjoyed your essay thoroughly. The title drew me in right away. I think your introduction is superb. Personally, I agree with your essay, I think that adversity makes us stronger as individuals. Your word choice throughout the essay is absolutely marvelous and it captivates me and makes me want to keep reading. I love how you have your contradictions in there too. I know it can be hard to see the viewpoints of others and I think you guys did a very good job of doing so. Also, you have very good examples. For example, the one about the basketball player getting injured and making a comeback is very good and helps readers visualize what you guys are talking about. Also, your example of Ferland Mendy is very good for the same reasons. I 100% agree that without adversity there can be no growth. Without adversity, we have nothing to learn from and go off of.
Taylor, I enjoyed reading you and Brooke's essay. This topic is one that is brought up immensely. I have heard many people discuss this topic, and I believe it is a topic that you and Brooke are happy to discuss. Your argument of saying animals should not be used for test subjects for research is a topic that I would agree with. When I read the essay, everything flows really well. Your essay does a really nice job of explaining the material in detail. Your essay is very informative, and I learned some new things from it. I found it very interesting when you two started to discuss the effects on the animals after they were tested on, and I can understand why you two chose to argue against animal testing. There is a ton of information in only 3 pages which is impressive to me. Overall, this essay is very well thought out and thoroughly planned, keep it up!
Madi, Your topic immediately intrigued me because we had a debate over it in class and I wanted to see how it was put together using that in mind. It was really cool to see you contradicting yourself but then coming up with "this is why..." "because of this..." and so on. I already agree with your argument but you help to strengthen that idea and help me give valuable and logical responses for this. This is a very good topic to write about seeing as how many people are confused over whether or not money does bring happiness. You use the underlying "money is behind everything" to keep your point valid and true. I enjoy how you put personal experiences of yourself, others, and the general. I especially enjoy that you use famous individuals because people try arguing that they are depressed because of money. You actually try going over what could really be the case and how money affects things. Keep up the work.
Mason- From the very first sentence to the ending paragraph, your essay is filled with an extensive vocabulary. The words used make your essay a really interesting read and keep me invested in reading the entire time. The quotes and researched facts being used are well incorporated. They are not choppy and flow quite well with the rest of the essay. Your first sentence immediately grabs my attention and I enjoy your title. Your introduction paragraph correctly lays out the rest of the essay so I know exactly what I will be reading about in each body paragraph. Your use of pathos and logos made perfect sense to me and worked well where they were placed to further back up your points being made. You did a great job of rewording some of your sentences so that they did not start with weak expletives and instead created a more interesting sentence structure. I really enjoyed reading your essay and think you and Gavin did a great job.
Abby, While I am supposed to be writing against what you believe I admire a lot of what you have written about the topic. Even from the beginning, I was impressed with the title. I love the repetition of the t’s, c’s, and b’s and it caught my attention quickly. Your topic is a very debatable one (believe me I know) but your wording is very hard to disagree with. You give us specific examples that almost everybody can relate to and find a way to blend your topic along with it. I respect that and it can make it challenging to find holes in your argument. The graphs that you inserted into the essay were very easy to read and got the point across very effectively. You gave specific examples of television shows which is something that my group also made sure to do. Overall, your essay is very strong and will be a hard one to debate against.
I believe you have started out your essay in a very strong way. Stating that sexism is no longer valid and that women are getting the equal treatment they have been fighting for for years is very controversial. I agree with a lot of your points including how some of the sexist ideas that are happening in our world are how women are getting what they want, but never truly being satisfied. You have started out the essay in a strong introduction, with a strong thesis statement to back you up, and will continue your strong research and information into your essay. I find it wild how you can use other classes—like anatomy—to have knowledge over comparing the female body to the male body. I am enjoying the unique and creative title of your essay very much! This can get a reader interested and intrigue them to read about your topic. I am very excited to read more about your essay and hope to have the chance to read the finished product.
Bre- To begin with, I do agree that people should not spend as much time on their phones as people do today. I like how you guys started out the essay with facts to show that you guys are not messing around. It shows that you guys know what you are talking about and have put effort into this essay. You guys are very thorough with your research and you leave no doubt with the information you guys present. There are no "what if" or "well if" questions that can be asked. It is also very good how you guys talked about how people should combat being addicted to their phones instead of just telling them to get off their phones. Your essay flows well together and is easy to read. In the end, your essay should be a very informative essay and hopefully persuade people to stay off their phones and connect with the real world. Should an easy A from Mr. C!
Upon reading Alex's essay, I was instantly surprised by how knowledgeable she is in the essay. GMOs are not something that I particularly know a lot about but based on what I read, I can safely say that I now know way more than I did before. Also, I would like to say that I love her introduction. I like that it presents the topic without just having it jump out at you or thrown in your face. This intro is different. It presents other ideas first that all connect together which I really like and enjoy. I also want to say that I like the efficiency and method with which Alex and Elizabeth are working. They brilliantly have it all numbered and laid out, and they make a lot of comments to themselves on the side of the document so they are constantly working. In summation, Alex's essay is a bountiful spring of knowledge that is brilliantly laid out and efficiently worked on. I can say that with certainty because I see it daily as her table partner.
Hunter- Before I read your essay I agreed with the fact that college athletes should be paid. I don't know much about college sports or professional sports really but I do know that people take both very seriously. I just figured that if some people prefer watching college sports over professional that college athletes should be getting paid as well as the pros. However, after reading your essay I am starting to look at it way differently. It is a really good point that the main goal of a student-athlete in college is to receive an education and that if they were to get paid they would prioritize their sport over their education. I think you also made a really good point by saying that college athletes put in a lot of time and dedication because they love the game and not because they are getting paid. Your essay is written very well and has very convincing facts. This essay made me see a new point of view and actually changed my mind a little bit.
McKenzie Metzger I like how you are setting the essay up with that time is changing things and showing that times were different when our parents were kids. Each generation experiences similar things growing up and LIfe 360 is something our generation has to confront. I also like when you added the part talking about how when our parents say "back in our day" and that this usually ends up in a drawn-out exaggerated story about their childhood being very difficult. You could then go into how our parents never had something like Life 360. We are the first kids to ever have to deal with something like a tracking app like Life 360. Your thesis is also set up very nicely when you mention what it seems like from the point of view of the child. This sets your essay up nicely to go further into detail about how it may seem as though your parents can not trust you and maybe give the impression that they think you are a bad kid. Overall it is a very good essay so far.
Avery- Even though I am your opponent for this essay, your writing so far has some strong points. The incorporation of the story of the girl who was raped in public for over two hours and no one came to her aide was a very emotional example. Using emotions and playing to the audience’s sense of morality is a very smart and persuasive tactic that makes for a well-rounded essay. Also, your use of percentages and other numbers adds an intellectual edge that ties in nicely with the rest of your information; it gives the reader a more concrete understanding of your argument. The broad vocabulary you used kept me enthralled throughout the piece and the writing never feels stale. Everything flows nicely; not once did I find myself questioning your choice of sentence wording. All in all, your essay is coming along very well and I look forward to reading the finished result!
Ryan, Your essay got my attention from the start. Not only was it interesting, but the vocabulary used is quite impressive. I was not lost while reading it but, rather, impressed. Any reader could tell that the author(s) were not just writing, but composing. You could sense the personality through the style and the great passion the writer(s) have for the topic. The introduction has energy, enthusiasm, and a great amount of information to help persuade and inform the reader right off the bat. At no point does the essay ramble or stray from the topic. It is constantly giving facts, points, and statistics to clearly defend the side of the argument set to defend. The facts are clear and well written so there is no misunderstanding nor confusion. Within the information, there is a nicely inserted block quote. Keep the essay flowing like this and you will have a great paper!
Austin, Being one of your opponents, finding parts of your essay that I enjoyed was extremely difficult as I obviously disagreed with many of your points. Nonetheless (from an attempted non-biased view), I believe your essay is off to a great start. One item that intrigues me in almost every essay is a story. Stories have the ability to instantly draw me in and attract my attention. You included a true story about a young girl being kidnapped. Not only is this an interesting story, but it also heavily supports your main idea––keeping children safe from the outside world. I would suggest telling more stories and possibly including block quotes from different articles. Once again, this will only make your essay more entertaining rather than simply telling all the benefits of tracking applications (Life360).
Currently, Alyssa is sitting on my left. She is partnered with McKenzie, and they are writing their argumentation essay on Life 360 and why it IS an invasion of privacy. Their essay is off to a slow, but steady start. It begins with a solid paragraph that introduces parenting over the years, and that eventually evolved into apps like Life 360. This intro paragraph ends with a strong thesis including three compelling reasons. These reasons are all different features that, in the end, prove to be overbearing and excessive. In the following paragraph, they bring up a good point about how each generation is so different. They continue to say how each preceding generation tends to look down on any younger generation. I feel like this point is very accurate quite honestly. I am curious how their paper will evolve, and how they will argue their points with witness accounts and statistics.
Jenna— Your essay portrays prime reasons of why money is necessary for happiness. I was skeptical of your topic at first, as I was unsure of where I stood in the argument. After reading your essay, I can firmly agree that money does indeed bring happiness to one's life. To start off, your thesis lays out your reasons very clear for the reader to open the essay. A great thesis is a start to a great composition. I think your reasons support your essay topic very well. I think your reasoning of money "bringing lifelong memories" brings clear evidence. I believe talking about how money brings a "peace of mind" is a great argument to include. Having cash to spend on food, shelter, and other bills gives one the ability to live a happier life than someone who cannot pay for these necessities of life. Overall, your essay is compelling for the reader and brings great points to your argumentative essay topic.
Theresa— Your topic is a very interesting choice, and also an argument that can be argued from many aspects for both sides. Whether or not bystanders are responsible to take action when they are presented with a bad situation, really depends on how you look at it. From a moral standpoint, obviously, you SHOULD step in and help someone in danger out. But based on my own opinion and after reading your rough draft, I can firmly agree that a person is not REQUIRED to step in and help if they feel they do not want to. This may be frowned upon by some, but it definitely is their decision. Another valid point you mentioned is that the person may feel that they are putting themselves at risk is not worth it to save a stranger, and this again is completely up to them. You can not require someone to put themselves at risk for another person's life. Overall the essay has some extremely valid points that just need some fitting together yet. Aside from that, you have a very good topic and the essay is definitely persuasive towards your side of the argument.
Jessica Jessica and kate are writing about how traveling by airplane is better than traveling by car. Jessica has some very solid points and has numerous facts and statistics to back it up. One major point I noticed was how much time traveling by plane saves. Taking a car would take much longer and probably have to plan ahead to get to your destination in time. Another interesting point that Jessica brings up in her essay is how it's not just the journey that makes the biggest impact when making the memory - it's usually the destination. This is very intriguing to talk about because sometimes it is true. A good example she uses in her essay is a child driving to Disney World. The child's memory is probably filled with rides and activities from the park and not the long car ride. Overall, I think that Jessica is composing an excellent essay and her argument is backed up with logic and reasoning.
Blake, along with his partner Zach Hentschel, is writing an essay titled "Karl Max was Right: Socialism is the Ideal Model for Society". Right away their essay grabs my attention with the amount of imagery they use. Some examples are "flying cars, skyscrapers and vibrant colors on every building". I think this is a great attention grabber and enhances the chances for the reader to keep reading. In the first body paragraph, there are many facts stated and I think this is very helpful to the readers, so that they know, that you really know what you are talking about because you did research on this topic. I think overall, this essay is very well written, with wonderful use of vocabulary and imagery spread around. I will be interested to read what else they will write about while finishing the essay and closing up your thoughts. I think both Blake and Zach are very good writers and composed an outstanding essay.
Gavin- After reading the title of your essay, I was instantly intrigued. I have also wondered if college athletes should be paid and made for a great start to the essay. After reading your essay, I would also have to agree that college athletes should get paid with all the money the NCAA makes off of the players. I thought you gave really good points and made it easy for the reader to side with your argument. I thought your thesis statement was well written and gave convincing points. I also liked how you pointed out how the NCAA is "big business" and how they make money off of the players. Another point you brought up that was interesting was if a player was to get injured, the family would have to pay for it. I have never thought of that and was a good point to bring up. Overall, your essay was well thought out, informative, and easy to understand. I thought your topic was interesting to learn about and flowed nicely.
The person sitting to my left is Jeremy Sommer. His partner is Braden Wills. Their argumentative essay is about "The Purpose of Animal Testing: Why it is important for human advancements". Many people have very different opinion on this but the things I liked most about Jeremy's argumentative essay is that each of his points are very compelling to the reader. They are compelling by giving many well thought out and detail-filled examples that he listed in his essay. He does a very good job of explaining his points as well as even showing points to the other side of the argument and admitting to the some bad that this may cause in doing animal testing and I think that is important to consider all of the sides of the argument in which he did so. Jeremy's essay also has a very compelling first paragraph and they have a good thesis statement in their essay as well.
I, also, believe that Christmas is better than the Fourth of July. I like how you talked about Christmas really gluing families together, as most people do celebrate it. Christmas is my favorite time of the year because I get to see mt family. I love every moment I spend with them! You did a really great job at making us sence Christmas. You painted a very vivid picture of the marvelous holiday! The pictures at the end really gave us the full effect of the article. It made me picture Christmas more in my mind. The cons in your article are very well said. I understand them, especially about the money. I love buying gifts for people, but that is my choice. I could easily make something at home for cheap instead of going out and getting something new and fancy. I really like how this is coming together, it sounds very nice!
Love the comparisons of the teams. Comparing North Dakota State University and Alabama I think would be hard. This topic requires a great knowledge of football and the history of both teams. Bringing in the records was a great idea to show the capabilities of the teams. Writing about the longevity of the game streaks and the programs was a great idea. It gives people who know little about college football knowledge so they aren't completely clueless. Also good coaches make a huge difference, so giving the coach's names and experiences was a fantastic thing to do. Bringing up university size also proves a point. It says that you don’t have to be a big school to be good at something. You had a very nice use of a block quote. Great use of former players names, creating more ties for the readers. The essay, what is written so far, is nicely written.
I am reading Hannah Behrens and Emily Wendt's essay. Their essay is about whether the tv show "16 and Pregnant" promotes or discourages teenage pregnancy. I like how they picked a specific tv show rather than many different ones. Their opinion is that the tv show discourages teenage pregnancy. They have a lot of very interesting and convincing facts. The way this essay is worded helps convince me to agree with their opinion. There is a lot of information providing evidence of how this show discourages teenage pregnancy and that the people are on this show to help discourage other teenage girls from getting pregnant. They make it very clear that the women on this show are not doing it for the money. They also state how the success rate of girls who get pregnant while in high school is very low and 40% of them do not even graduate high school.
Yeshari Graber Right off the bat, I can tell that serious thought and word choice has been used to put this argument together. The use of a broad vocabulary truly adds to their side of the argument because it makes them seem intelligent. This may seem irrelevant but people tend to listen more intently to smart people. An intriguing statistic I learned was that students average three hours and fifteen minutes on their smartphones daily. As a fellow believer in the limiting of technology, this statistic shocks me that this is just the average! An interesting point made is that technology excludes people instead of connecting them. This statement made me think twice about my experience with technology. Sometimes it's better to be ignorant in the world of social media because it provokes emotions of exclusion, loneliness, and jealousy. I also thought the hypothetical paragraph was very realistic. They mentioned that if we continue to increase our use of technology, soon we will become detached to our human emotions and relationships.
For my complimentary composition, I decided to examine Sydney Pelletier's and Tanna Lehfeldts's argumentative essay entitled: "To Check or Not to Check: Why Donating Organs Is Not for Everyone." From the composition's first paragraph, I was introduced to vivid stories filled with a multitude of descriptive details. This intelligent use of the CHESS persuasive strategy helped make their argument much more convincing, with it directly showing the reader why they should support their side. As I continued to read, I was introduced to a plentiful assortment of hypothetical situations and evidence, building the author's credibility through the use of logos and an additional extension of CHESS. Finally, the paper then concludes with a strong conclusion that leaves a message in the reader's head: would they want to think about death? This culminating message provides ample justification for not becoming an organ donor, leaving this group with a strong, infallible argument for their side.
The person sitting to the left of me is Elijah Klein. His argumentative essay is over if socialism is a bad thing for our society. His partner is Quinn Gienapp. I believe that their essay is very good and has some very good points inside of it. They express democracy in the United States as full of freedoms and life, liberty and happiness. But, they also are trying to prove that capitalism or conservatism are better than socialism and would be better for the United States. They talk about a capitalism society allowing for people to have big professional jobs that make a lot of money, people work hard to seek good benefits. A big point they make is that socialism pushes for things like equal wages, everything should be equal, but capitalism and conservatism push for you get what you work for, the better your job the better your pay, the harder you work the better you can be.
Brett- You have a really good intro. It certainly caught my attention and kept me interested. I also like how you use a more casual style than a formal one. You relate the situation to the readers and really try to engage them in your argument. You are also able to bring out good points in what the opposer might say against your argument. I think that your paper is very well written (so far) and persuasive. I especially loved how you used one of the TV shows I grew up with as an example. I loved "Avatar: The Last Airbender" (there was no italics option) and I was able to understand what you were talking about. It is easier to get a point across when someone understands where you are getting your information and examples from. I really like your essay and I am looking forward to writing a counter for it.
Jackson- Jackson's argumentative essay is "Homework Harms Human Health." Jackson and his partner don't believe homework is beneficial and think teachers should stop giving them out. They had a very good introduction that thoroughly explained what their topic was. The first reason they gave was how much stress homework caused students. They found research done at Stanford University that showed 56% of students considered homework a primary source of stress. Jackson did a very good job of giving numbers and data for his reasonings. They also expressed how some students got so stress and were pushed so far that they just gave up and stopped caring. Something else that caught my attention was that most students are very busy after school with jobs or sports and barely have any time to do homework. Overall I think they have made very good progress and it is very well written.
Liz and her partner Alex Davis are discussing the cons of using GMO's on our crops. I am on board with Liz and Alex because there are many studies that have shown that GMO'S are causing health issues for many people. Even if you take away the effects GMO's have on us; they are affecting the surrounding environment a great deal more. I have been able to find great information on all the topics these ladies have discussed. Each subject they cover is backed up with plenty of facts. I think that is important based on the subject of their essay. I also think that this is a topic that has been pushed to the side and you do not hear much about anymore. So far the essay has great writing structure. Liz and Alex have made amazing progress so far and I think they will have no problem finishing by Friday. Very impressive work. Very interesting topic.
Calista and Megan are able to sway my point of view. Their seemingly formal yet conversational style of writing is able to educate the reader while making them feel comfortable and eager to read more. I personally prefer to fly to my destinations; however, this essay and my personal experiences slightly sway my opinion to reconsider the adventures of traveling on the road. They seem to be very intelligible on this topic and their discussion points whether opinionated or factual are very valid and convincing. I think they could maybe talk about the environmental issues that come with flying by releasing exhaust directly into the atmosphere versus the environmental issues with vehicles and how there are some cars with less exhaust and are more healthy. That would be able to sway me when we can talk not only about the short term effects and commodities but can look at and identify the long term affects that car versus air travel provides to the environment and possibly the economy.
97 comments:
Mike--
First of all, I am on your side-- Christmas is obviously better. The statistic you used (9/10 people in America celebrate Christmas) really proves that. I really liked how you made Christmas a metaphor for glue that holds families together. Christmas is one of the few times a year I’m able to see my cousins and my extended family. I also liked how you used to word atmosphere then continued to paint a picture of the holiday season. When you listed the food, music, etc. I could see those things in my mind which I think is really good for the reader. I also enjoyed the pictures at the end of your document (the sprite cranberry ones in particular). In addition, the cons you refuted were really good ones to address like how expensive it is. Personally, I know my bank account is really suffering right now due to the holidays but ultimately it was a personal choice to go out and spend money. There are definitely many alternatives like making homemade gifts or doing something nice for someone. Overall, the essay is really coming along-- very poetic, very inspiring. Nice work.
Abby
Between your topic of does money buy happiness, I am split right down the middle. I believe that both are you are not 100% correct and that both are right. Although I do believe you and Avery make some very key points that would be hard to argue against if I were writing against you. The points you make with famous celebrities (I.E. Robin Williams, Kate Spade, etc...) committing suicide even though they have all the money anyone could ever ask for, shines a light on one of the most important issues in the world today which is constant struggles due to mental health. It would be very hard to come up with a point disproving that which I am not sure one can make a case that money can help that. I also liked how you guys brought emotional connections into your story. Whether that was family members or love with another human, that is just something you can not buy. Also, the counter-argument about donating money I believe was spot on. Is the money they're donating going to help someone? Absolutely. But ultimately they find more joy in helping rather than giving their money away which I think everyone can agree is an amazing feeling that can not be bought. The essay is coming along great and you have made points that seem borderline impossible to argue. 9.7/10,
Heidi-
While reading your essay, you persuaded me into believing some of the ideas that you have that I had not before. For example, I used to think that the electoral college was not very fair. It made it so that even if you got the most popular votes you could still lose. However, you had some good points in your essay that made me think otherwise. One of those points being that it gives smaller states more of a say and makes sure they are not forgotten. This is very important for people like us that live in South Dakota. Also, we still are given the right to vote who we want in the electoral college. From your essay, I also learned more about our government like how we are a two-party system and why that is a good thing. Overall, your essay is very well written and very informative. Good job!
Cole--
I like how you are writing about whether Christmas or the Fourth of July is the better holiday. First of all, I usually would lean towards Christmas when asked this question. After reading your essay and outline so far, I am beginning to lean towards the Fourth of July. The freedom of our country is a big deal and I agree that we need to celebrate it. I also like how you are going to bring up the point of how you can celebrate this holiday with whoever you choose. This is a good point to write about because you are able to go to the lake and hang out with friends. I believe that family is important, but there is sometimes the unnecessary family drama that I believe most families have. Also, the fact that it is in the summer makes the Fourth of July safer. I agree with your point there because there will be fewer accidents on the roads since the roads will not be covered in ice. Your essay is written very well so far. Keep up the good work:)
After reading the beginnings of the composition entitled "The Mean Green: Why Money can't Buy Happiness" by Abby Erkonen and Avery Myers (great title by the way), I was instantly greeted with visual stimuli to help set the scene of an informative essay dedicated to railing against the materialistic culture the world seems devoted to today. After a convincing thesis statement containing reasonable points that anyone would agree with, the essay begins to masterfully employ CHESS persuasion tactics to best draw in the reader and change his or her opinion to the authors' side. Convincing real-world examples of joys that money can never purchase fills the essay's first paragraph immediately followed by a clever example of hypophora. The essay then goes on to introduce both contradictions and rebuttals, taking the arguments of opposing sides and using them against them, and provides key points of evidence and statistics. In the end, the essay serves a pivotal role in shaping the opinion of anyone who reads it, making it a stunning example of an argumentation essay.
Before reading this piece of the composition titled "The Country is Nice, but The City Will Always Be Home" by Jessica Blachowske I was not in favor of living in a large city. Throughout their writing, they provided many examples and benefits that, after reading, definitely swayed my beliefs in city life. Citing facts on crime rates, medical opportunities, and many other things in the city gives me as the reader many real, factual examples that are able to make metropolitan life appealing. Besides their content throughout the essay, their grammatical work was phenomenal—inserting multiple blockquotes as well as frequently using semicolons in the correct way. This composition was quite interesting for me to read because although I originally thought that my point of view on this topic was unwavering, it was slightly swayed after reading this piece. Using real-world examples when composting is one way in which they were able to convey their thoughts on their topic clearly and convincingly. This essay was very enjoyable to read and I expect that the rest of their essay will provide the same amount of information and facts.
Calvin
The title of your essay already has me intrigued and desiring to read your paper. Reading through your ideas, I can tell your essay will be strongly supported by evidence and surveys that you plan to send out among men and women. I thought it to be a wise decision to send out a survey among the teachers in this school to see how they feel on the matter of paternity leave for men and if it is beneficial for women to have their partner with them when raising a child in what some say is the most crucial part of their life. I found it interesting that you mentioned the wage gap between men and women and that would in hopes solve, or partially solve the issue between different pay between the genders. You further mentioned in the ideas of your essay that in a case of parents being the same gender, who would receive "maternity" leave to raise the child. Would both? Only one? All of these questions that could easily be argued and make for a great essay topic. I am looking forward to reading your completed essay paper!
Kaleb,
The fact that there are not many musicians who do commit and move forward with their talent to develop it further is very true. Being a musician myself I understand why it is like this. The introduction you have developed in your writing is pretty great. It allows the reader to think about what they are about to read and maybe even develop an opinion that either they will change or keep throughout the course of reading your side of the argument. The quote you put in about success was also a nice touch to your essay. You can see the truth in it in everyday life, in my opinion. When I was reading through, I was persuaded even more towards your side because I do see the truth in your argument. I don't think that musical training does make you more successful in the long-run but it does offer an opportunity if you develop it well enough. But, as you stated in your essay, not many people put in the extra mile to be able to open up that opportunity for themselves.
Tashlynne-
Even though your title is not finished, it already gets me intrigued to read your essay. The United States election is a very important topic for all of Americans and can lead our country into great times or great danger. For the president that we have now, many people think that he has done a terrible job, and think that he should be impeached, which is a whole other topic. The topic that you are writing about is a great topic and will be easy to write about. I like how your opening paragraph gets me ready for the rest of the essay. I also like how you give background on what the election process is like, and who can win. I like how you used other countries to prove how our election process is the best. The work that you have done is excellent, and I know you will do great in your essay. By the way, I agree with you that our election process is fair.
Daisey,
I have been reading your essay and I think it is actually extremely interesting. I do not have a very strong opinion on using video games in the classroom more, but the whole controversy is compelling. This topic is definitely relevant today. Technology is only getting better and so are the things we can now do with them. School does get boring after a while, so it would make sense to change things up a little. I liked how you clarified that Kahoot, Quizlet, and Gimkit should not count as a video game. It seems like a topic that is easy to compose about. The statistics that were put in about the costs of using games to learn were perfect. It was clear and smart. They make or break a good essay. I also like the use of your vocabulary so far. Most people just use the vocabulary that they need to for the requirements, but you truly use sublime words throughout. For these reasons, I am leaning on the side of you and Brian in this argument.
Quinn--
While reading your essay, I learned a lot about socialism--a topic I previously did not know much about. But now I know that socialism is a good idea in theory, but not when carried out. The title of your essay, “Wait, That’s Mine? No it isn’t : Why Socialism is a Bad Model for Society” is creative and interesting; I was excited to learn more about the topic. I really liked all the examples given in your essay such as Russia, Israel, and China. They really demonstrate your point of view and are good influencers. My favorite part of the essay though is your sentence, “Eleven years.” I love how it makes an impact and creates a little suspense. Then you go on to explain how unfair socialism is to people who have worked hard to become a professional compared to those who hardly work at all. Your essay seems to be coming together really well with some amazing points. I worry about your competitor arguing for socialism… Great work!
Sydney and Tanna
So far, I think you have done a great job of coming up with arguments against a topic that seems like a no-brainer to say yes to, organ donation. If a person dies, their organs have no use for them anymore so what better way to use them then to give them to someone else? The argument for donating organs is very compelling, making it hard to argue. However, the counter-argument that people in South Dakota can become an organ donor at age 14 is also a very compelling thing to think about. Another good topic you guys are covering is the care of the doctors and whether or not some of them will diminish their care on patients that are organ donors in order to harvest the patient's organs. Both arguments you bring up are very interesting and I look forward to seeing how you expand upon them.
Gavin---
Gavin's collaborative essay with Mason is incredibly well written. The essay includes a great deal of variety in sentence structure, unique diction, and exemplary grammar usage. Professional and very much put together, their work has a great shot at convincing those who oppose their stance on the argument to change their opinion, or at the very least, consider educating themselves more on the topic: whether college athletes should be paid or not. The essay also contains multiple reputable sources, historical lessons, and real-life scenarios that allow readers to connect to an argument they may not be passionate about and give it the "executive sound" their document needs to push them over the edge and into the next level of composition. As the pair are both athletes in our school, I can tell this is a subject they will continue to research and improve upon, because it is a topic they care about. Great work!
Kendra-
We are partners for this essay and we have both been working on it together but I really do like how much effort you put into the essay and your writing style. When I tell you what we should put down, you put it in better words than how I say it out loud. I like how well you work with me and how you know what I am trying to say even when I don't explain it clearly. I think we work great together because we are both talkative and comfortable with each other than our essay is going to be great. Your writing style is probably my favorite part of the whole essay. I love your use of words and the emotion you can feel in the essay. Great Job!
-Brian-
Brian and Daisey's essay is coming together nicely. It had a good structure throughout and a strong thesis statement to start. I agree with their topic by saying that video games should not be used in the school environment. The information I found most appealing in their essay was when it went on to explain how expensive it would be to integrate the usage of video games in the classroom. Their essay was compelling and made my opinion even stronger for their topic. I am satisfied in the classroom with learning tools like Kahoot, Quizlet Live, and Gimkit, and don't see the need for any new games. Even though technology gaming companies would more than likely give schools a discounted price for bulk purchasing games, it would still be an unnecessary expense that the school shouldn't have to worry about. I think Brian and Daisey have a good understanding of their topic and have a lot of experiencing to back it up. I am excited to read their essay when it is fully composed.
Jimmy --
Before reading your essay on "Does musical education make you more successful" I didn't quite agree with you. I thought that success had nothing to do with music and that it couldn't help determine if you are more successful or not than others. After reading your arguments and points of view I completely changed my opinions and views on your topic. You gave great points backing them up with facts that couldn't be argued about. You did a good job adding the CHESS style of writing into your essay. I think a big factor in why I like your essay is because it is something you truly enjoy and care about so you have a lot to say! You also did a great job expressing your opinions while also acknowledging the other side of the argument as well! I learned so much from your essay on how music can help you and make a difference in someone's life. I can clearly see how music has impacted you personally for the better and that is just one example of how it positively affects people's lives and can make them more successful in the future. Good Job!
Jesse,
In collaboration with his partner Dylan, Jesse’s essay is off to a great start. The essay has a strong introduction accompanied with an attention-grabbing title. The introduction lays the format for the essay and the body paragraphs do not disappoint. The information is presented in an organized way that is enjoyable to read. I am also impressed with how much they have completed already in pages and the amount of research already being implemented. In a debate on whether money is able to “buy happiness” or not, they believe money can't buy happiness. Although I completely disagree with their stance on the topic, they brought up very valid points and incorporated relevant and convincing research. I also admire their assertiveness when they make their case; rather than saying things like “I think,” “probably,” or any other vague terms, they convincingly make their case with confidence and get to the point. Their argument was not able to completely persuade me; however, their ideas were hard to defend against at times. Great topic choice. Nice work.
Jared (who sits on my left), Payton and Jorey--
I too agree that homework is very stressful and grueling. I also agree that homework is important and prepares you for adulthood. Yes, you do learn a lot from doing your homework like Calculus, grammar, and history. To get better at maintaining what you learn every day is built into homework to help prepare you for exams and tests. Practice makes perfect. Agreeing that homework is not just about the material because in reality (out in the real world) most of the material learned you will never use. Like all three of them mentioned, homework is meant to build and test your work ethic, time management, work-study, and problem-solving under pressure. The kids that don’t take their homework seriously will have a hard time developing these skills and will struggle. Doing your homework helps to set goals and accomplishments, without them nothing will ever get done. Hypothetically, would you want your doctor operating on you if you knew that he did not do his homework? I would hope not. I think that Jarred, Payton, and Jorey are on to something good and is a great topic that should be issued. They have pulled out great reasonings for why people should do their homework. Their essay is off to a great start!
Hannahs argumentation essay with Emily is about “do shows like 16 and Pregnant Promote or Discourage Teenage Pregnancy?”. Their viewpoint is that shows like “16 and Pregnant” do in fact discourage teenage pregnancy, which I happen also agree with. I think that shows like “16 and Pregnant” show teenagers how hard it is to raise a baby. It shows them that they have to put their life on hold and find ways to support their kid. Their essay is off to a strong start and has great potential. They have a strong thesis statement along with many facts to back up their viewpoint. The fact that stood out the most to me in their essay was “programs like “16 and pregnant have reduced the birth rate by six percent, preventing around twenty thousand births in areas where teenagers watch MTV which is where shows like “16 and Pregnant” are aired”.
Since I am no longer inside the classroom, the rule of look to the person at your table to your left is impossible due to the fact I am writing my compliments outside of class means I selected an essay for another class period to write about. I chose the opposing side of my group's topic of video game use in the classroom. From my quick speed read of what Brian and his partner have written so far, they have their counter-argument to our points already selected; and on Tuesday, I recall Brian working on math for their cost argument in their essay. Albeit they could and should rework their introduction due to their claim of, "Video games are still not present in schools," is outright false due to the use of Minecraft in gifted-education in the elementary schools and middle school, Mario Kart in Mrs.Ebright class, use of things like Gimkit and Kahoot; are all video games by definition and are used in classes as of today.
Braden Skow is writing about why homework is not necessary for a good education. I agree with this, even more so after reading his writing. His writing is very interesting and keeps me reading. The introduction him and Jackson have made is very good, which is important to a good essay. The introduction is what hooks the reader before getting into the “meat” of the essay. The follow up paragraphs are also written very well. Braden and Jackson have used their sources to cite information that is beneficial to them and their cause. They have also used information from the sites to help guide their essay, even if they did not use it as a cite. Braden and Jackson still have work to do when it comes to finishing their essay, but I think the good start they have will only benefit them the rest of the way through the essay.
I sit to the right of Grace Hansen, which means I was reading Grace and Abby Waldner's argumentative essay. Their essay is about whether or not children's cartoons help them in the real world or if the cartoons promote whiny behavior and unrealistic expectations from family, friends, etc.. I think they do a great job of making their topic relevant to the reader, as I'm sure at some point in all of our lives we sat down in front of the TV and watched Spongebob for hours on end. This topic is something that I think a lot of people don't put much thought into. If a children's cartoon is on TV, it must be acceptable for all audiences, right? Reading their essay, it is clear to see that they have put plenty of time and effort into digging deeper and defending their stance that most cartoons shouldn't be watched by children. With astounding punction, grammar, and fluency, I'm glad I'm not writing against them.
Jackson-
I found your essay to be very engaging and informative to read. I thought that the introduction paragraph was great at engaging the reader and making them want to learn more from your essay. The statistics that you added in the body paragraphs were great. They offer information from valid sources that are directly beneficial to your essay. I also thought that your use of examples from Stanford was very helpful in proving your point. I did not realize that so many negative side effects could be related to doing too much homework. I was also surprised to learn that only eight percent of students receive the correct amount of sleep. I was not aware of the ten-minute rule about homework but now that I think about it, it makes sense. The endless stream of facts, statistics, and examples makes your argumentative essay very formidable. It would be hard to win a debate against this essay because you seem so well informed.
I sit to the left of Payton, and his partners are Jorey and Jared. Their essay topic is that homework is a positive thing that teaches students different skills and helps them practice for different subjects. I agree that homework is also very important in academic success. Personally, I can agree that homework is not always fun, but it does make tests easier. As they said, homework allows us to practice the material we are learning. If we do not practice, we will not get better. Their examples of what would happen to students if we did not have homework is a great example as too why it is beneficial. Each student has a different way of learning and offering homework as a way to practice can benefit everyone. Overall the essay sounds like it is coming together very well. It is nicely written and is full of great examples and arguments.
I would say that this argumentation essay has been put together exceptionally well, with giving a hypothetical situation in which many of us could see ourselves in, due to a large majority of us having younger siblings or cousins that we may have had to take care of, or maybe even have nannied or worked in a daycare. It is also a nice touch to use a show that many of us who are reading this can relate to with many of us having seen the show as a child or even a teen. I also liked that a new show was added in, because I may have never sat down to watch Doc McStuffins, but I could tell you the main points of the show from having it in the background or sitting down with my almost-two-year-old cousin and her three-month-old sister. In summary, I would agree with what has been said in this essay in that TV shows are good for kids because it can teach them how to care for others and other valuable life lessons that they may not get to see and learn otherwise.
Ethan Kjenstad is writing about how Alabama is a better college football team than NDSU. I strongly agree because they have the best record in history. He starts each paragraph differently and it grabs the attention of the ready and makes them want to keep reading because it flows so well. He did a great job incorporating parenthesis at the right time shows he knows what he is doing and when to use them properly. Even now with how little they have done and how little I pay attention to College football they have some very interesting facts that are fun to read about and very well constructed. I am excited to read it when it is finished because of how great their writing style and so intricate. Very good how he is comparing stats with NDSU and showing how Alabama stats are better to persuade the readers.
Dylan,
While reading Dylan's and his partner Jesse's essay I thought that it was very well written. From reading just the introduction the essay brought me into reading more of the essay. They used a question after their first sentence to make us readers think about the question throughout. Then right after that, they found a strong quote about how all possessions are temporary. The body paragraphs are just as interesting as the introduction as they continue to ask questions and answer them with statements backed up with statistics and quotes. Another thing that I noticed was how they switch up their sentence structure. When making a paragraph they don't repeat the same word at the beginning of each sentence instead they spice it up to make the essay an enjoyable yet informal read. Overall when reading Dylan's essay I found many things to help improve an essay of my own and took his side on why money isn't able to buy happiness.
Katie’s argumentative essay with Yeshari is about the topic, “Technology has a Positive Effect on Relationships.” They believe that technology should be limited because it has a negative effect on relationships. Distractions, depression, and lack of intimacy are just a few points they make in their essay. They have a very strong introduction that does a good job drawing in the reader. I like that they are adding a lot of statistics and taking surveys to back up their viewpoints. This should help persuade readers to agree with them. They have also included a story about letting go of technology. In the story, Yeshari signed out of snapchat for a week! She felt that a “weight had been lifted off her shoulders.” I think including stories is a good way to persuade the reader. This is something I might use in my essay. Overall, I think Katie and Yeshari have a very well-written essay.
Hannah-
Right away when I read the title I was hooked to see what the horrifying reality is just like everyone else who is going to read your essay. Also right away in the into you through in a great pathos that really hits home with the reader. In your intro, you also have great use of vocabulary words that really shows the reader that you mean business and are serious about your topic. Also, the anadiplosis at the end of the introduction serves as a great prelude to what you are going to argue in the rest of the essay. I also like how you have set up the essay so it allows for a person that doesn’t have a lot of information about foster homes to know what is going on. I know that you aren’t done with your essay yet but I know that the rest of the essay is going to be great. There isn’t a chance that the opposing side is going to win against you.
Grant,
From only reading your introduction, I am beyond intrigued about the topic you chose to argue about with your partner Jimmy. You are arguing that musical training makes one more successful, happy, and content with life. I would stand by your argument and have to agree with you completely. I had no idea how much music influenced some of the most well-known people in the world. I knew that music helped people with some things previous to reading your essay, but I had no idea that a lot of inventors, astronauts, and actors were well-versed in the Fine Arts. Your introduction lured me in completely. I felt that it was very well written and it had many different writing methods we have learned throughout our Term Tuesdays. Your vocabulary was poised and it made the introduction come to life. Also, your title was very catching and drew me in even faster than before. I can not wait to read your essay because, by the looks of it, it will be a showstopper.
Kate-
After reading what you have written in our essay, I feel that we have a great start for the rest of our essay! I love that you are able to back up each of your points with solid information and if anyone else would read it, they would be truly convinced that flying is superior to driving. You have come up with such strong ideas that make for a powerful argumentative essay. I personally prefer flying instead of driving for a vacation and I did not realize how convenient it actually is. When you mentioned the fact about how safe planes are compared to cars it was shocking to me and it was a good idea to address. Though I prefer flying, I felt road trips were also fun; however, after reading what you wrote about all the complications and stresses of driving, I am 100% for flying to your destination for any vacation. I feel this essay is coming along great and I love all that you have provided to this essay!
Henry and Harry--
Your essay about how the voting process of the president is very persuading. I believe this topic is a great one for an argumentation essay because it can be controversial in our society. You bring up a lot of great points and facts to back up your arguments. You bring up an interesting idea about how wealth influences the election. I never really thought about that but I think that it is completely right. The wealthier does have a better chance of winning an election due to the capability of better campaigning and more resources at their hands. You guys also mention how the electoral college does not take full consideration of the voters and I also believe this can be true at times. Overall your argumentation essay is very strong and it did a good job of persuading me to think something I did not originally believe when first reading the title of the essay. Keep up the good work!
Ben,
Initially, my original thought was that Christmas is a better holiday than the 4th of July. The main point in your essay that you brought up that really swayed my decision was when you mentioned how freedom allows us to celebrate these holidays such as Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. Another factor that began to sway me that I didn't even think about was safety. Also with fireworks, it is up to the individual to be responsible and safe with the fireworks because most of the accidents happen because of the person messing around or not following safety procedures; on the other hand, with bad weather and bad road conditions, you can be the safest driver and still possibly get in an accident because of other drivers. Overall, your essay is very constructive and powerful so far, and I am now leaning more towards the side of the 4th of July is better than Christmas.
Braden--
After perusing the essay done by Braden and Austin, I found their information quite intriguing. The topic over debate is whether parents using Life 360 is an invasion of privacy. I overall believe Life 360 is an invasion of privacy, but throughout the essay both stated good points that go against my opinion making me agree with some of the stuff that was said. The two pose a strong debate about this topic and I personally feel like it could be difficult to argue against the two about it. The parts of the essay that are done, do a considerable job showing how Life 360 can help with a lot of dangers, especially when it comes to accidents. Braden and Austin both seem to be on the same page while writing allowing the paper to flow smoothly. If the essay continues to be written with the same intensive ideas and facts as it already has, it will help them to complete a great paper.
Lizzi
Your introduction made me read the whole essay up to the point it is at now. I was captivated and I did not notice myself continuing to read. I think that arguing over equal protection is a very good thing to bring up! I understand your side of the argument very clearly, you do a good job describing situations with detail. I realize that there is discrimination as well as issues with the protection of certain kinds of people and find your points very relevant for that reason. I was interested to see that you bring up a lot of sides to the argument, you include many races and types of people, such as the blacks and LGBTQ community to show your point on a lot of levels people might understand. I think that your essay will continue to look like this and it will be a masterpiece by the time you are done with it!
Zach:
After reading Zach and Hunter's essay, I can tell they are passionate about the topic they chose, and that makes their argument more interesting to read. I like how they have a lot of good points already with the research they've done. Also, their topic is based a lot on opinions, so I like that they have mentioned that fact. They have also explained that there are also facts about their argument that are not purely opinion. So far, they also have a few specific examples that add to the persuasiveness of their essay as a whole. The first few lines of their conclusion are very intriguing, and I would like to read the rest of the essay when it is finished because I am interested in their other arguments. Overall, I think that their essay has a really good start, and that they are going to have a really good finished product if they continue writing the way they do!
Megan
I respect the title you used in your essay. I have always loved the comedic touches you add for the reader. While reading your essay, I noticed you have good flow to your essay and I think that is really important to the reader. The way you choose to add in popular movies and relatable points really helped me stay engaged in the essay and I really wanted to know what would come next. Also, I noticed you added a checklist at the end of your essay. Although I know this isnt part of the essay itself, I still greatly appreciate the organization you allowed. I loved it so much that I plan on adding it to my essay to help better my ideas and have knowledge on what I should complete next. Adding exclamation points also showed your enthusiasm towards your topic and I think that really helps the engagement.
Henry and Harry,
So far I've read your title. It has intrigued me and I am excited to read your essay and learn your thoughts on this, because it is something that I actually think about a lot.
A vote is "the defining factor between tyranny and democracy." This stood out to me, and I like how you began with clarifying the significance of a vote so that the reader knows how important it is that our election process is unfair. Then you explain how easy it is for our system to become morphed, all while smoothly incorporating CHESS.
It was neat to read not just about the history of the electoral college and why it's out of date, but also about the ludicrosity of a two-party system. The quote you used by Lisa Disch, comparing the two-party system to a store that has only two styles of shoes or two kinds of vegetables, both strongly supports your arguments and provides the reader with another perspective to consider it from.
Your research is strong, well-sourced, and fluidly incorporated throughout your essay. However biased, I am convinced. I hope someday we can rewrite the system.
Emily M-
Since Emily is also my partner for this essay, I will go off of the paragraphs that she personally added to our essay. She took on defending the topic that money can provide happiness by providing extra cushion month to month for those who are currently living paycheck to paycheck. Emily did a great job of putting the reader in the shoes of someone who is living under a tight financial situation. By doing this, the reader can understand the multitude of stress that comes with something as routine as bills. Emily takes that opportunity to prove how some extra money each month can allow that one family relief across multiple ways. She used a strong citation that emphasizes how prominent stress is (specifically financial) on the average American. From that source, she includes the health risks that come from stress. Overall, the paragraphs that she has added to our essay continue to show that even if some believe money can not buy happiness, they will not be able to deny that the benefits of even a little extra cash can help many breathe easier and live a less stressful life.
Madi Albertson and Jenna Long’s essay starts off strong with a solid opening paragraph that effectively highlights their topic over how money can bring happiness. Certain examples such as how money can be used to have fun experiences with friends and family, are especially effective when pushing their argument. Other examples were interesting to read due to them having specific real world examples such stories of donation. While the topic itself may not be wholly original, the effort they have put in to make it their own argument is commendable. They have also started referencing scientific organizations which is smart as it would be evidence that would be hard to argue with. Their essay has surprised me with the amount of examples and evidence supporting their claim. I believe this essay, when finished, would convince anyone why money can in fact bring great happiness. For now they have a good start to their essay.
Grace and Keaton-
The topic of your argumentation essay is very interesting. I have never heard this topic argued over. The introduction is very clear and well-cut to what the essay is about and how it will be laid out. It is powerful and claims what you are arguing. In the body paragraphs, it is well setup that you restate your point and then have your subpoints after. your sources are not opinionated, but instead, are credible reports of personal experience or research. After your sources, you guys do a great job of explaining how the source helps support your topic. I also like you are keeping track of your works cited as you go along and not wait till the very end. You annotated bibliography then also provides more additional information that adds to the information provided by the website.
Jorey-
The essay is very well organized to defend yourself and ideas. It plays into each next paragraph very well and it set up perfectly to be able to flow and keep the reader interested because of the way the transitions work. By creating a full paragraph dedicated to a contradiction it leaves a good amount of space for showing readers why you are correct. Then, by following the contradiction with hypothetical circumstances, you create a wall that defends your topic very well by crossing off any possibility of doubt on why homework can be detrimental and leaves almost no room for debate from opposing beliefs on homework not being helpful for students. The argument that you have built is very strong and very hard for someone to oppose in my opinion. Your essay is coming along very well and is going to be hard for the people your going against.
Ethan,
After reading your argumentative essay: "Country vs. City: The Grass is Greener Outside City Limits" I have concluded that living in the country would be far superior to living in the city. The essay that you guys wrote is very in-depth and gives many reasons as to why living in the country is better. The reasons that you guys listed were very logical, and persuasive reasons. It is clear to me that you two are passionate about where you are from. Is what I really liked about your reasons was that it gives you a very accomplished and clear feeling. It makes you believe that there is nothing wrong with this world. It makes someone that lives in the city, like myself, long to live out in the country with no restraints. With all of that being said, all of your arguments are solid and seem to have very few week points, which in my opinion, very hard to beat.
Before reading the essay title "The Country is Nice, but the City will Always be Home", written by Hannah and Jessica, I was in favor of living in the country rather than in a big city. Their essay overall gives me great facts about the positives of living in the city. I believe that their essay is set up very well and is very organized. One of the first things that really catch my attention in the essay is when you say, "Not the land of opportunity, but the land for opportunities". This quote catches my eye because it says that the city is the land for endless opportunities. Your essay provides many facts on why a city is a great place for people to prosper. I enjoyed your essay because it provided me an insight on how city life is and why it could be better than country life. Personally, I have to agree that country life is better because that is just my personality, but your essay has provided insight on why the city is good. Keep up the good work!
Keaton-
This essay topic is very controversial. You started out the essay stating your points and following with your information behind the points later. You did a very good job stating your reasons and explaining your opinion, while also showing your opposition point, and pulling in details from the other side of the argument. This is a very strongly opinionated essay, and you have built a very strong argument that would be very difficult to be put against. You created reasonings in the essay that is all backed up by research which improves your opinion very well. When including your sources, you did a great job showing that it isn't all about your opinion, but most of it is just plain fact. You have included all of the requirements while still explaining your opinion. Overall, I think that your essay is coming together very well, and you will continue to share your opinion in a strong way.
Alexis--
The essay has a very attention-grabbing title and a topic that is quite interesting. Your introduction with an example was followed up flawlessly with your thesis and painted a good idea of what you are arguing for. You use very precise words and pick what side you are on and make that very clear to the reader. You have a very easy to follow essay and everything is explained thoroughly. Referencing civil rights laws makes your argument carry more weight and be more credible. Your use of statistics specifically the one where your report 2/3 of people being discriminated against is a very good portrayal of your side. Referencing past historical events like the mistreatment of African Americans in American Culture is a very validating point to your argument and makes the reader realize the severity of the discrimination today. Your essay is a very interesting topic and it is coming along quite well.
Dayne
I do not know a lot about football and who is the best team, but just the introduction has me convinced that Alabama is the best team. The facts in the beginning really emphasize this. I also like the thesis statement and how it slides right into the next paragraph. Each paragraph shows great evidence of how Alabama has been "conquering" and been on the top for quite some time and how NDSU is good, just not as good as Alabama. As a person not knowing much about football, I also really appreciated the paragraph that explained how NDSU is part of SEC East and Alabama is part of SEC West, also explaining all the teams that are on SEC West to see the competition. I really enjoyed reading the essay and do believe that Alabam is better than NDSU from the small little part I read of the essay. It has a lot of facts and interesting information.
Lexy-
The topic of your argumentation essay is very controversial. Thanks to your easy and clear writing, it was easier to be pulled in to your easy. The introduction of your essay was flawless; you did a nice job of making me, a male that has never really felt discrimination, fill the shoes of a metaphorical person who was being discriminated against. I remembered that feeling throughout your whole essay which made me on your side. Very well done that is a brilliant way to compose an argumentative essay. You have begun to defend your topics and have the blueprints of what will be a wonderful essay laid out. All of the reasons you are stating are solid and will be tough for your opponents to refute. Although the topic is, in fact, controversial, you were able to persuade me on to your side, and surely will persuade many others. Super excited for you and your final essay!
Landon
Your argument is very interesting and brings up a topic I'm sure not very many people have given thought to. I think the way you write is compelling and it makes readers want to read what is coming up next. I like how you use vivid words to create imagery, especially when you talk about a baby coming home because that is one of the biggest joys of new parents. I don't totally agree with your stance, and I don't think men not having a paternity leave is discrimination, but I do like how you are taking both sides and trying to describe some of the issues mothers have after birth such as postpartum depression. With your counterargument, I think you need to discuss all of the physical problems, not just depression, that mothers face after birth. These things could be exhaustion, bodily pain, surgery recovery from C sections, etc., all of these things will not affect a father as a result of birth and should be countered in your argument.
Eli-
This essay is very well put together and thought out. You have found tons of valuable information that really stands out to the reader. The information definitely helps defend your argument. Having all the information lets the reader really process and think about the actual facts of the subject versus the opinions. Having actual numbers to support your point really helps. Also having examples from actual colleges really helps prove your point as well. Hearing what actual colleges do for their college athletes really brings everything to life. After reading your essay, I actually changed my mind about the topic. I also feel that your essay flows really well. Everything is seamlessly put together your paragraphs and topics of the paragraphs flow well throughout the entire essay. Also, your point is getting across really well. Altogether I thought the essay was really well put together and thought out. I really liked your use of facts and numbers. Your essay is very convincing and even changed my point of view on the subject.
Kira and Teresa-
They chose to argue that bystanders do not have responsible to intervene when there is trouble. The essay has not been started, but they have compiled a good amount of information. I was impressed by the sheer amount of sources they have found on their topic. The have plenty of data which will be useful to use in their argument. You can not really fight facts. The sources are really good too because the are all credible. The information is from places like Berkeley. They also have some good events which add to their argument. It would be powerful to use instances where bystanders who tried to intervene were hurt and even killed. Overall, they have strong arguments on your side and I think you will be able to defend your points very well. Once they assemble their thoughts and evidence into the essay, it will be hard for the opposition to object to their points.
I read Sophie Van Horn and Olvia McIlravy's argumentation essay. They were fighting for why technology is, in fact, a positive influence on society. I agree with this. Technology is everywhere and there will only be more and more of it from here on out. I see it as a useful tool that makes everyday life much easier. Cars, phones, electricity, microwaves, etc. are all things that can seriously benefit the human race in the long run. I really liked how they focused some of their essay on the social media part of things. Social media is a very powerful tool. It can be used to keep in touch with people, spread information and inform them. I also liked how they used a survey to help get the audience's opinion on their topic and they found that most of those who were surveyed sided with them. 80% of them felt more connected with their friends and what was going on with them.
Jamie-
The first thing that caught my eye was the title in your essay. The title really drags the reader in and attracts them to read. Your essay is very well thought out and seems to be already almost completely done. Your ideas are very well thought out and flow tremendously. The statistic about how men only work about .8 hours more than women per day really shows your stance on the idea of whether sexism is still around today. You are saying that women make less money because they work less, which is true. You also included a statistic on the athletic ability between males and females and how males are more physically fit and are required to have jobs with more physically demanding jobs. The statistics you provide really contradict the idea of sexism existing. You also allowed room for multiple paragraphs to contradict your opponent. The argument that you have put forth is very strong and would be almost impossible to refute. Nice Job!
Olivia
While there was no title yet, I could easily tell that their essay was about why technology is a good thing. Whether it was their composing or their use of final exam terms, Olivia and Sophie continued to impress me while I read through their essay. Personally, I agree that technology is for the better, to a point. I believe that it can be a bad thing if you rely on it too much; however, in the big picture, it is really for the best. I liked how they found specific facts to add to the essay, and how they were added in so smoothly. The different facts they incorporated into their essay put into view how many people use certain types of technology. I know that there were a few areas that were still in progress for their rough draft, due to the fact that they still had notes that were with some of their paragraphs. Overall it is a very well written essay so far, and I'm excited to see where this continues and how their essay will eventually turn out.
Brianna-
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your essay! It was very well written and organized! Although I differ on your opinion that money makes you happy, I applaud you for your factual information. Your topic can be easily subjective, but I appreciate how factual and statistical the information you provided is. You wrote very in-depth and provided a lot of great reasoning. I really liked how you made your opinion clear and added stories. You and Emily followed C.H.E.S.S. very well providing for a great essay! I agree that many events in our lives such as going to Disneyland or the Bahamas can bring happiness. It is a solid argument to say that money can be used as a tool to bring us happiness. I like how you used statistics many could relate to such as the one stating, "144 recent travelers 94% of had an increase in happiness and felt that they had more energy upon returning home." Overall, great essay! I can tell you put a lot of hard work and effort into it!
Miles --
Your argumentative essay was a very easy read, yet it contained a lot of information. I thought that your ability to very clearly spell out the logic of your argument, and present it in a way that was easy to read but not a fluff piece. Many people tend to lean into repetition in their arguments, and just word the same point in a different way, adding nothing to their essay. You did not make this mistake. I enjoyed the flawless use of logic, that was not biased or naive. Not only were your arguments logical, but they did a good job of foreshadowing how you will expand on said arguments. As the person arguing against you in your essay, I liked that your arguments were valid, as arguing against flawed logic is virtually impossible. I look forward to contradicting you on all of your points, and I know that in the end, you will turn out a flawless essay that will also be a great read!
Cade-
Even though I personally disagree with your stance, you guys provide wonderful evidence that it's hard to argue against. There is plenty of statistics used to prove your point about how underpaid college athletes are. It is also good that you brought up the point of how the NCAA makes millions off of college sporting events. Also using Tim Tebow’s story of having the best Jersey in the world and him not seeing a penny of it is a strong case for your stance. Using the statistic that players practice for 35.4 hours a week is a good one because that’s how much I work, showing that college sports are essentially a job. It is an incredibly strong point to bring up how other extracurricular things in colleges get paid. For example, E-Sports teams for colleges have a chance of earning thousands off of gaming events such as League of Legends and Overwatch.
Miles-
While I do not completely agree with your argument, I can't really dispute it either. I feel like whether or not music helps you learn is 100% subjective. But I really enjoyed reading your essay. The essay as a whole was really easy to read, it all flowed together so well. You kept me interested throughout the whole thing and I never really felt like I was reading the same points over and over. Your introduction paragraph was my favorite part of the whole essay. I also really liked the quote from Vince Lombardi. The way you placed it in the paragraph also added to how it made the essay feel. Sometimes the quotes can feel like they are coming out of nowhere and feel out of place in a paragraph, but the quote you put in didn't feel any different than anything around it. I like how you didn't use crazy numbers and words to make yourself sound smarter, you kept it all pretty simple but also convincing. You did a really good job so far, and I am excited to see the final result.
Bennett-
I do agree with your statement that college student-athletes should not be paid for the sport they participate in. I love the intriguing title that perfectly displays the topic of the essay. Since this topic is more of an opinion, you have found numerous examples and research to support your statement. I do agree with the statement that if players did get paid, it would change the perspective of the game. Rather than playing for the love of the game, they play to earn as much money as possible. As well as only trying to get better to be seen by other programs/teams. You have nailed the E section in C.H.E.S.S. You have added many examples and evidence to your essay which is portraying your side very clearly. As most people are not quite finished with their rough draft or essay in general (mine included), this is a very clear and great start to it. I would recommend having a distinct thesis statement that lists the reasons why student-athletes should not get paid. Can't wait to see how the essay turns out if you continue your hard work and dedication your putting into it now!
Luke,
After reading your argumentation essay "One Path to Toughness: Why Adversity is Essential in Your Strengthening," I have decided that I am on your side of the argument. Going through a variety of moments or experiences, whether they be good or bad, are essential to grow as a person. You learn from the moments or experiences you go through. The first thing I noticed while reading your essay was your introduction paragraph. It already persuaded me to be on your side of the argument. It flows very well and you explained how reactions, good or bad, are a part of life and essential to growing. I also liked how you gave examples of growing mentally and physically. You explained that mental illness are not limited, but once they seek help they grow in themselves and are able to help others in the end. I also liked your example of the basketball player getting injured but then working hard to come back and came back even better than before. I also like how you acknowledged that gaining strength in yourself is hard but worth it in the end. Overall, I think you have written a great essay. Your argument is strong and you support it very well.
I read Kylie Felderman and Ella Simonson's essay. The way that they handle the topic without making you feel bad or guilty for not being an organ donor is very impressive and shows they know what they are doing. I also give them props for having all the things required for the rough draft already except for the annotated biography and not procrastinating tell Friday. The research that is being used in the essay is also very credited articles and the way they show they also have a firm understanding of organ donation is also impressive. I not only thought the essay was impressive, but it was also enjoyable. I enjoyed reading the information about how organ donation is improving people's lives and the fact that over 114,000 people are on a waiting list for organ donations. It was also interesting to learn that the demand for organ donation is increasing due to more and more people needing them.
Cade-
I enjoy your topic very much. I agree that college players should be paid. There are a lot of reasons why I agree with this. People do not understand that colleges take so much from players for no reason. I like the way that you are trying to convey that colleges take way too much from college players and nobody knows what that money goes to. College players work extremely hard in order to get scholarships and try to make it to the pro level of their designated sport. They put in extra time that does not allow them to have a job. Their sport is their job. The sources you are using to convince others that they should be paid are indubitably sublime. It sounds professional and has legitimate sources. Overall this is a fantastic essay. Keep up the good work!
Victoria
I enjoyed reading your essay, especially because this topic seems to be so controversial in today's world. I really liked how you didn't "dance" around in the introduction paragraph, but instead, you jumped right in by listing a few ways people can be sexist. The few ways you listed in the introductory paragraph are very obvious sexist ways that almost everyone should be familiar with, which is a good thing. I also thought it was interesting how you brought up how the women in the military are told to not let men rape them, yet men are not told the same thing when men are just as capable as women are to be raped. You bring up many great points throughout the first couple of pages you have done, without being biased, which can be very difficult to do with your topic. I think a challenge for you, and it is up to you completely, would be to try to include one more instance where sexism is directed towards a man instead of a woman. If you could do this, I think you could really target every type of audience and it would make it that much better. Great job.
Caitlynn F-
The topic that you and your partner, Shelby F., is the debate of if video games should be used in the classroom. I do not have a huge opinion on this, because I do not necessarily like video games, but I do agree that games can be a fun easy way to learn. From what you have so far, I really enjoyed it. It was very informational and formal. Your introduction was very well written, and your first body paragraph was interesting to read. I liked how you included information about kids with disabilities because it is true that they take a different learning route than others. I do not know where you are on your writing or not, but I would suggest following the rules of C.H.E.S.S. to help keep it easier for you and the reader. Your style works just as well if you want to stick with that, and I do not know how far you are in your typing or if you are going to rearrange things either. I am very interested to hear your argument and the one against it.
Ceci-
I quite enjoyed your essay. I particularly liked it when you stated "Whoever said "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" obviously never experienced a major crisis in their life." I thought this was hilarious and very influential within your essay. I also liked the emotion you put into your essay. You seemed determined to put effort and connection into the essay. Even though you are my opposition I find that it is factual and important. The use of hypotheticals was very inclusive within your essay as well, it helped the reader think, process and relate to the situation which was brought to them. I also loved your use of graphs which brought tangible information to the presentation of the essay. I also like how you used different perspectives to bring more viewpoints to the essay. Often enough, we use a singular point and focus on that but you did the opposite. I think your essay consists of good information and a solid argument, good job on composing your masterpiece.
I read Braden Wills and Jeremy Sommers essay and they had a very strong argument right away. They believe that animal testing makes scientific sense. Their introduction was strong and cohesive. All of their paragraphs flowed nicely. I think they should add more statistics about why it is beneficial towards humans. Have a heartfelt story of someone who was cured by medicine. Talking about how noble the animals sacrifice and how it is a hard discussion to talk about is a way to appease both sides. These gentlemen have accomplished a lot with their essays. I think they are at a good pace and have a lot of citations and quotes. I don't quite agree with all of their points, however, the ideas that I disagreed with were defended well. Their essay made me think about different ways we can do animal testing and why it makes sense to do it for humanity.
Brooke and Taylor,
I enjoyed reading your essay currently titled, "Do All Have Some Moral Status: Is Animal Testing Justifiable?" I would have to say that I am somewhat on your side when it comes to this issue. I think that certain animals should not be tested on in labs. I enjoy how you give a definition in your introduction right away. This informs the reader of what your topic is about and what it means. I also like how you are using "C.H.E.S.S." properly and effectively. Your contradiction, in my opinion, is very good using PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), a very reliable source, to help get your point across. You are very convincing with your facts so far in this essay. It is impressive that you have over 3 pages but only have a few paragraphs. I am excited to see what kinds of personal experiences and stories that you two will add once you get your other paragraphs done! Good work Brooke and Taylor!
Lucas-
I enjoyed your essay thoroughly. The title drew me in right away. I think your introduction is superb. Personally, I agree with your essay, I think that adversity makes us stronger as individuals. Your word choice throughout the essay is absolutely marvelous and it captivates me and makes me want to keep reading. I love how you have your contradictions in there too. I know it can be hard to see the viewpoints of others and I think you guys did a very good job of doing so. Also, you have very good examples. For example, the one about the basketball player getting injured and making a comeback is very good and helps readers visualize what you guys are talking about. Also, your example of Ferland Mendy is very good for the same reasons. I 100% agree that without adversity there can be no growth. Without adversity, we have nothing to learn from and go off of.
Taylor,
I enjoyed reading you and Brooke's essay. This topic is one that is brought up immensely. I have heard many people discuss this topic, and I believe it is a topic that you and Brooke are happy to discuss. Your argument of saying animals should not be used for test subjects for research is a topic that I would agree with. When I read the essay, everything flows really well. Your essay does a really nice job of explaining the material in detail. Your essay is very informative, and I learned some new things from it. I found it very interesting when you two started to discuss the effects on the animals after they were tested on, and I can understand why you two chose to argue against animal testing. There is a ton of information in only 3 pages which is impressive to me. Overall, this essay is very well thought out and thoroughly planned, keep it up!
Madi,
Your topic immediately intrigued me because we had a debate over it in class and I wanted to see how it was put together using that in mind. It was really cool to see you contradicting yourself but then coming up with "this is why..." "because of this..." and so on. I already agree with your argument but you help to strengthen that idea and help me give valuable and logical responses for this. This is a very good topic to write about seeing as how many people are confused over whether or not money does bring happiness. You use the underlying "money is behind everything" to keep your point valid and true. I enjoy how you put personal experiences of yourself, others, and the general. I especially enjoy that you use famous individuals because people try arguing that they are depressed because of money. You actually try going over what could really be the case and how money affects things. Keep up the work.
Mason-
From the very first sentence to the ending paragraph, your essay is filled with an extensive vocabulary. The words used make your essay a really interesting read and keep me invested in reading the entire time. The quotes and researched facts being used are well incorporated. They are not choppy and flow quite well with the rest of the essay. Your first sentence immediately grabs my attention and I enjoy your title. Your introduction paragraph correctly lays out the rest of the essay so I know exactly what I will be reading about in each body paragraph. Your use of pathos and logos made perfect sense to me and worked well where they were placed to further back up your points being made. You did a great job of rewording some of your sentences so that they did not start with weak expletives and instead created a more interesting sentence structure. I really enjoyed reading your essay and think you and Gavin did a great job.
Abby,
While I am supposed to be writing against what you believe I admire a lot of what you have written about the topic. Even from the beginning, I was impressed with the title. I love the repetition of the t’s, c’s, and b’s and it caught my attention quickly. Your topic is a very debatable one (believe me I know) but your wording is very hard to disagree with. You give us specific examples that almost everybody can relate to and find a way to blend your topic along with it. I respect that and it can make it challenging to find holes in your argument. The graphs that you inserted into the essay were very easy to read and got the point across very effectively. You gave specific examples of television shows which is something that my group also made sure to do. Overall, your essay is very strong and will be a hard one to debate against.
Maia,
I believe you have started out your essay in a very strong way. Stating that sexism is no longer valid and that women are getting the equal treatment they have been fighting for for years is very controversial. I agree with a lot of your points including how some of the sexist ideas that are happening in our world are how women are getting what they want, but never truly being satisfied. You have started out the essay in a strong introduction, with a strong thesis statement to back you up, and will continue your strong research and information into your essay. I find it wild how you can use other classes—like anatomy—to have knowledge over comparing the female body to the male body. I am enjoying the unique and creative title of your essay very much! This can get a reader interested and intrigue them to read about your topic. I am very excited to read more about your essay and hope to have the chance to read the finished product.
Bre-
To begin with, I do agree that people should not spend as much time on their phones as people do today. I like how you guys started out the essay with facts to show that you guys are not messing around. It shows that you guys know what you are talking about and have put effort into this essay. You guys are very thorough with your research and you leave no doubt with the information you guys present. There are no "what if" or "well if" questions that can be asked. It is also very good how you guys talked about how people should combat being addicted to their phones instead of just telling them to get off their phones. Your essay flows well together and is easy to read. In the end, your essay should be a very informative essay and hopefully persuade people to stay off their phones and connect with the real world. Should an easy A from Mr. C!
Upon reading Alex's essay, I was instantly surprised by how knowledgeable she is in the essay. GMOs are not something that I particularly know a lot about but based on what I read, I can safely say that I now know way more than I did before. Also, I would like to say that I love her introduction. I like that it presents the topic without just having it jump out at you or thrown in your face. This intro is different. It presents other ideas first that all connect together which I really like and enjoy. I also want to say that I like the efficiency and method with which Alex and Elizabeth are working. They brilliantly have it all numbered and laid out, and they make a lot of comments to themselves on the side of the document so they are constantly working. In summation, Alex's essay is a bountiful spring of knowledge that is brilliantly laid out and efficiently worked on. I can say that with certainty because I see it daily as her table partner.
Hunter-
Before I read your essay I agreed with the fact that college athletes should be paid. I don't know much about college sports or professional sports really but I do know that people take both very seriously. I just figured that if some people prefer watching college sports over professional that college athletes should be getting paid as well as the pros. However, after reading your essay I am starting to look at it way differently. It is a really good point that the main goal of a student-athlete in college is to receive an education and that if they were to get paid they would prioritize their sport over their education. I think you also made a really good point by saying that college athletes put in a lot of time and dedication because they love the game and not because they are getting paid. Your essay is written very well and has very convincing facts. This essay made me see a new point of view and actually changed my mind a little bit.
McKenzie Metzger
I like how you are setting the essay up with that time is changing things and showing that times were different when our parents were kids. Each generation experiences similar things growing up and LIfe 360 is something our generation has to confront. I also like when you added the part talking about how when our parents say "back in our day" and that this usually ends up in a drawn-out exaggerated story about their childhood being very difficult. You could then go into how our parents never had something like Life 360. We are the first kids to ever have to deal with something like a tracking app like Life 360. Your thesis is also set up very nicely when you mention what it seems like from the point of view of the child. This sets your essay up nicely to go further into detail about how it may seem as though your parents can not trust you and maybe give the impression that they think you are a bad kid. Overall it is a very good essay so far.
Avery-
Even though I am your opponent for this essay, your writing so far has some strong points. The incorporation of the story of the girl who was raped in public for over two hours and no one came to her aide was a very emotional example. Using emotions and playing to the audience’s sense of morality is a very smart and persuasive tactic that makes for a well-rounded essay. Also, your use of percentages and other numbers adds an intellectual edge that ties in nicely with the rest of your information; it gives the reader a more concrete understanding of your argument. The broad vocabulary you used kept me enthralled throughout the piece and the writing never feels stale. Everything flows nicely; not once did I find myself questioning your choice of sentence wording. All in all, your essay is coming along very well and I look forward to reading the finished result!
Ryan,
Your essay got my attention from the start. Not only was it interesting, but the vocabulary used is quite impressive. I was not lost while reading it but, rather, impressed. Any reader could tell that the author(s) were not just writing, but composing. You could sense the personality through the style and the great passion the writer(s) have for the topic. The introduction has energy, enthusiasm, and a great amount of information to help persuade and inform the reader right off the bat. At no point does the essay ramble or stray from the topic. It is constantly giving facts, points, and statistics to clearly defend the side of the argument set to defend. The facts are clear and well written so there is no misunderstanding nor confusion. Within the information, there is a nicely inserted block quote. Keep the essay flowing like this and you will have a great paper!
Austin,
Being one of your opponents, finding parts of your essay that I enjoyed was extremely difficult as I obviously disagreed with many of your points. Nonetheless (from an attempted non-biased view), I believe your essay is off to a great start. One item that intrigues me in almost every essay is a story. Stories have the ability to instantly draw me in and attract my attention. You included a true story about a young girl being kidnapped. Not only is this an interesting story, but it also heavily supports your main idea––keeping children safe from the outside world. I would suggest telling more stories and possibly including block quotes from different articles. Once again, this will only make your essay more entertaining rather than simply telling all the benefits of tracking applications (Life360).
Currently, Alyssa is sitting on my left. She is partnered with McKenzie, and they are writing their argumentation essay on Life 360 and why it IS an invasion of privacy. Their essay is off to a slow, but steady start. It begins with a solid paragraph that introduces parenting over the years, and that eventually evolved into apps like Life 360. This intro paragraph ends with a strong thesis including three compelling reasons. These reasons are all different features that, in the end, prove to be overbearing and excessive. In the following paragraph, they bring up a good point about how each generation is so different. They continue to say how each preceding generation tends to look down on any younger generation. I feel like this point is very accurate quite honestly. I am curious how their paper will evolve, and how they will argue their points with witness accounts and statistics.
Jenna—
Your essay portrays prime reasons of why money is necessary for happiness. I was skeptical of your topic at first, as I was unsure of where I stood in the argument. After reading your essay, I can firmly agree that money does indeed bring happiness to one's life. To start off, your thesis lays out your reasons very clear for the reader to open the essay. A great thesis is a start to a great composition. I think your reasons support your essay topic very well. I think your reasoning of money "bringing lifelong memories" brings clear evidence. I believe talking about how money brings a "peace of mind" is a great argument to include. Having cash to spend on food, shelter, and other bills gives one the ability to live a happier life than someone who cannot pay for these necessities of life. Overall, your essay is compelling for the reader and brings great points to your argumentative essay topic.
Theresa—
Your topic is a very interesting choice, and also an argument that can be argued from many aspects for both sides. Whether or not bystanders are responsible to take action when they are presented with a bad situation, really depends on how you look at it. From a moral standpoint, obviously, you SHOULD step in and help someone in danger out. But based on my own opinion and after reading your rough draft, I can firmly agree that a person is not REQUIRED to step in and help if they feel they do not want to. This may be frowned upon by some, but it definitely is their decision. Another valid point you mentioned is that the person may feel that they are putting themselves at risk is not worth it to save a stranger, and this again is completely up to them. You can not require someone to put themselves at risk for another person's life. Overall the essay has some extremely valid points that just need some fitting together yet. Aside from that, you have a very good topic and the essay is definitely persuasive towards your side of the argument.
Jessica
Jessica and kate are writing about how traveling by airplane is better than traveling by car. Jessica has some very solid points and has numerous facts and statistics to back it up. One major point I noticed was how much time traveling by plane saves. Taking a car would take much longer and probably have to plan ahead to get to your destination in time. Another interesting point that Jessica brings up in her essay is how it's not just the journey that makes the biggest impact when making the memory - it's usually the destination. This is very intriguing to talk about because sometimes it is true. A good example she uses in her essay is a child driving to Disney World. The child's memory is probably filled with rides and activities from the park and not the long car ride. Overall, I think that Jessica is composing an excellent essay and her argument is backed up with logic and reasoning.
Blake, along with his partner Zach Hentschel, is writing an essay titled "Karl Max was Right: Socialism is the Ideal Model for Society". Right away their essay grabs my attention with the amount of imagery they use. Some examples are "flying cars, skyscrapers and vibrant colors on every building". I think this is a great attention grabber and enhances the chances for the reader to keep reading. In the first body paragraph, there are many facts stated and I think this is very helpful to the readers, so that they know, that you really know what you are talking about because you did research on this topic. I think overall, this essay is very well written, with wonderful use of vocabulary and imagery spread around. I will be interested to read what else they will write about while finishing the essay and closing up your thoughts. I think both Blake and Zach are very good writers and composed an outstanding essay.
Gavin-
After reading the title of your essay, I was instantly intrigued. I have also wondered if college athletes should be paid and made for a great start to the essay. After reading your essay, I would also have to agree that college athletes should get paid with all the money the NCAA makes off of the players. I thought you gave really good points and made it easy for the reader to side with your argument. I thought your thesis statement was well written and gave convincing points. I also liked how you pointed out how the NCAA is "big business" and how they make money off of the players. Another point you brought up that was interesting was if a player was to get injured, the family would have to pay for it. I have never thought of that and was a good point to bring up. Overall, your essay was well thought out, informative, and easy to understand. I thought your topic was interesting to learn about and flowed nicely.
The person sitting to my left is Jeremy Sommer. His partner is Braden Wills. Their argumentative essay is about "The Purpose of Animal Testing: Why it is important for human advancements". Many people have very different opinion on this but the things I liked most about Jeremy's argumentative essay is that each of his points are very compelling to the reader. They are compelling by giving many well thought out and detail-filled examples that he listed in his essay. He does a very good job of explaining his points as well as even showing points to the other side of the argument and admitting to the some bad that this may cause in doing animal testing and I think that is important to consider all of the sides of the argument in which he did so. Jeremy's essay also has a very compelling first paragraph and they have a good thesis statement in their essay as well.
Will-
I, also, believe that Christmas is better than the Fourth of July. I like how you talked about Christmas really gluing families together, as most people do celebrate it. Christmas is my favorite time of the year because I get to see mt family. I love every moment I spend with them! You did a really great job at making us sence Christmas. You painted a very vivid picture of the marvelous holiday! The pictures at the end really gave us the full effect of the article. It made me picture Christmas more in my mind. The cons in your article are very well said. I understand them, especially about the money. I love buying gifts for people, but that is my choice. I could easily make something at home for cheap instead of going out and getting something new and fancy. I really like how this is coming together, it sounds very nice!
Love the comparisons of the teams. Comparing North Dakota State University and Alabama I think would be hard. This topic requires a great knowledge of football and the history of both teams. Bringing in the records was a great idea to show the capabilities of the teams. Writing about the longevity of the game streaks and the programs was a great idea. It gives people who know little about college football knowledge so they aren't completely clueless. Also good coaches make a huge difference, so giving the coach's names and experiences was a fantastic thing to do. Bringing up university size also proves a point. It says that you don’t have to be a big school to be good at something. You had a very nice use of a block quote. Great use of former players names, creating more ties for the readers. The essay, what is written so far, is nicely written.
I am reading Hannah Behrens and Emily Wendt's essay. Their essay is about whether the tv show "16 and Pregnant" promotes or discourages teenage pregnancy. I like how they picked a specific tv show rather than many different ones. Their opinion is that the tv show discourages teenage pregnancy. They have a lot of very interesting and convincing facts. The way this essay is worded helps convince me to agree with their opinion. There is a lot of information providing evidence of how this show discourages teenage pregnancy and that the people are on this show to help discourage other teenage girls from getting pregnant. They make it very clear that the women on this show are not doing it for the money. They also state how the success rate of girls who get pregnant while in high school is very low and 40% of them do not even graduate high school.
Yeshari Graber
Right off the bat, I can tell that serious thought and word choice has been used to put this argument together. The use of a broad vocabulary truly adds to their side of the argument because it makes them seem intelligent. This may seem irrelevant but people tend to listen more intently to smart people. An intriguing statistic I learned was that students average three hours and fifteen minutes on their smartphones daily. As a fellow believer in the limiting of technology, this statistic shocks me that this is just the average! An interesting point made is that technology excludes people instead of connecting them. This statement made me think twice about my experience with technology. Sometimes it's better to be ignorant in the world of social media because it provokes emotions of exclusion, loneliness, and jealousy. I also thought the hypothetical paragraph was very realistic. They mentioned that if we continue to increase our use of technology, soon we will become detached to our human emotions and relationships.
For my complimentary composition, I decided to examine Sydney Pelletier's and Tanna Lehfeldts's argumentative essay entitled: "To Check or Not to Check: Why Donating Organs Is Not for Everyone." From the composition's first paragraph, I was introduced to vivid stories filled with a multitude of descriptive details. This intelligent use of the CHESS persuasive strategy helped make their argument much more convincing, with it directly showing the reader why they should support their side. As I continued to read, I was introduced to a plentiful assortment of hypothetical situations and evidence, building the author's credibility through the use of logos and an additional extension of CHESS. Finally, the paper then concludes with a strong conclusion that leaves a message in the reader's head: would they want to think about death? This culminating message provides ample justification for not becoming an organ donor, leaving this group with a strong, infallible argument for their side.
The person sitting to the left of me is Elijah Klein. His argumentative essay is over if socialism is a bad thing for our society. His partner is Quinn Gienapp. I believe that their essay is very good and has some very good points inside of it. They express democracy in the United States as full of freedoms and life, liberty and happiness. But, they also are trying to prove that capitalism or conservatism are better than socialism and would be better for the United States. They talk about a capitalism society allowing for people to have big professional jobs that make a lot of money, people work hard to seek good benefits. A big point they make is that socialism pushes for things like equal wages, everything should be equal, but capitalism and conservatism push for you get what you work for, the better your job the better your pay, the harder you work the better you can be.
Brett-
You have a really good intro. It certainly caught my attention and kept me interested. I also like how you use a more casual style than a formal one. You relate the situation to the readers and really try to engage them in your argument. You are also able to bring out good points in what the opposer might say against your argument. I think that your paper is very well written (so far) and persuasive. I especially loved how you used one of the TV shows I grew up with as an example. I loved "Avatar: The Last Airbender" (there was no italics option) and I was able to understand what you were talking about. It is easier to get a point across when someone understands where you are getting your information and examples from. I really like your essay and I am looking forward to writing a counter for it.
Jackson-
Jackson's argumentative essay is "Homework Harms Human Health." Jackson and his partner don't believe homework is beneficial and think teachers should stop giving them out. They had a very good introduction that thoroughly explained what their topic was. The first reason they gave was how much stress homework caused students. They found research done at Stanford University that showed 56% of students considered homework a primary source of stress. Jackson did a very good job of giving numbers and data for his reasonings. They also expressed how some students got so stress and were pushed so far that they just gave up and stopped caring. Something else that caught my attention was that most students are very busy after school with jobs or sports and barely have any time to do homework. Overall I think they have made very good progress and it is very well written.
Liz
Liz and her partner Alex Davis are discussing the cons of using GMO's on our crops. I am on board with Liz and Alex because there are many studies that have shown that GMO'S are causing health issues for many people. Even if you take away the effects GMO's have on us; they are affecting the surrounding environment a great deal more. I have been able to find great information on all the topics these ladies have discussed. Each subject they cover is backed up with plenty of facts. I think that is important based on the subject of their essay. I also think that this is a topic that has been pushed to the side and you do not hear much about anymore. So far the essay has great writing structure. Liz and Alex have made amazing progress so far and I think they will have no problem finishing by Friday. Very impressive work. Very interesting topic.
Calista
Calista and Megan are able to sway my point of view. Their seemingly formal yet conversational style of writing is able to educate the reader while making them feel comfortable and eager to read more. I personally prefer to fly to my destinations; however, this essay and my personal experiences slightly sway my opinion to reconsider the adventures of traveling on the road. They seem to be very intelligible on this topic and their discussion points whether opinionated or factual are very valid and convincing. I think they could maybe talk about the environmental issues that come with flying by releasing exhaust directly into the atmosphere versus the environmental issues with vehicles and how there are some cars with less exhaust and are more healthy. That would be able to sway me when we can talk not only about the short term effects and commodities but can look at and identify the long term affects that car versus air travel provides to the environment and possibly the economy.
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