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| Ernest Hemingway |
2. Write a six-word short story. Ernest Hemingway's famous tale: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" Explain your story if you'd like.
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| Carson McCullers |
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Narrative Blog Task--due October 31
2. Write a six-word short story. Ernest Hemingway's famous tale: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" Explain your story if you'd like.
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108 comments:
My few sentences are.. "I was ecstatic. Finally, I was being included. After my hair was straightened, my eyeliner smudged perfectly and mustard colored eye shadow applied, I was feeling jubilant." I am especially proud of this because I believe this shows how excited I am to be attending this event, only to have my hopes crushed later. In my essay my narrative device is to build up very high hopes only to be very disappointed. My six word story is- "Excessive virtual life brought authentic alienation."
Jorgenson 5
“I won’t let my team down. I run harder. Faster. The home stretch is where runners are truly separated.” I chose these sentences from my narrative essay because they are the ones I feel best portray the setting. It is not easy to explain how it feels to run a 400 to anyone who hasn’t ever run one before. It is by far, my favorite race to run, but it is hard. You must start out at 100%, hold that speed, and around the final corner run faster. It is in the home stretch that you can see the drive and determination of the runners.
A six-word story: As I ran, cheers are blurred.
These six words sum up any race I have ever run. All around the track, people shout, cheer, and try to give you directions. I can hear that people are yelling, but rarely know what they are saying.
Lien 7
“All Medical offices are the same to me. Same bland colors cascade the walls, the aroma of elderly people and latex gloves crept through the room, and the same hushed atmosphere hovered above daring us to talk beyond a whisper…I still remember the sound of the nurse’s voice as she echoed my sisters name across the lobby. Raspy and Jagged, ‘Sara Lien’, she called. We all stood up, walked down the hallway into what we thought would be routine.” I chose these sentences from my essay because I feel they do a very well job of creating a picture. Through these sentences one can clearly imagine the feeling, appearance, and even smell of the office. I also create suspense by using an illusion to what will happen next.
My six-letter short story is: Life is a spontaneous, unwritten story. So many people try to plan their life into what they think it needs to be. Life cannot be planned. Obstacles happen, but it is our job to pick up the pencil and write what we will make of those obstacles.
Van Egdom 5
“But, my line of escape is impeded by Zooey— π—the most beautiful constant in my life.” I create a wonderful metaphor by comparing Zooey, Henri’s crush to π, which is the most aesthetically pleasing constant in math. I am extra proud of this sentence, because of the symbolic and mathematical cleverness.
My six word story:
First meeting: awkward, start of life.
These six words describe the first time I met Abby, my girlfriend. I barely talked, yet we have grown close and it was the start of our life together.
Comment:
Lily Swenson. Your story effectively captures the essence of humanity’s problem—in only six words. My last essay was on the effects of technology on the human experience and your six words embody the core of my whole essay. You used magnificent wording and I can tell you carefully chose each word. Keep up the wonderful work.
Quanbeck 5
The most intense and suspenseful sentences of my narrative are those found in the description of my oral interp performance. I pull readers into my oral interp piece and give them a sense of the fear and darkness within the story. “Those sitting in the audience are transformed; they can see the stretchers rolling through the school parking lot, can feel the cold stares of terrified parents and somber officers. Can hear the sirens. The gunshots.” When writing my narrative, I attempted to show the intensity of an oral interp piece in only a few sentences. Instead of explaining how I act, I tell of what is happening as if the people in the audience are petrified witnesses. The sentences I chose as my best vehicles of literary devices explain a dramatic moment with structure designed to quicken reading. The first sentence is long, and the following fragments become progressively shorter, forcing readers to continue with more panic. This stylistic choice of using choppy fragments increases suspense and propels readers further into my story.
I enjoy the challenge of fitting emotion and depth into so few words. I experimented with several six-word stories, but the one I chose to share was most appealing to me because of its metaphor that encompasses naivety.
My story: She was eternally drunk on ignorance.
Marais7
Megan was about nine months pregnant and looked like she was about to detonate. I chose this sentence because you can clearly imagine the pregnant lady in front of you. This also was quite humorous to me and hopefully to others as well.
Comment:
Lily Swenson. Your story has captured my attention in art class when you talk about it. I definitely love the bits and pieces I have heard. It sounds very intriguing and I'm sure you choose your words wisely. I would definitely love to read it sometime.
six word
freedom, the adventures of a lifetime.
Baily Quanbeck I enjoyed your six word story, not only for the word choice, but also for how it was open ended. I think you're right that some people are "addicted" to ignorance or not seeing what is right in front of them the same way some are addicted to alcohol. Ignorance can be a very strong thing.
Rykhus 1
"I could be my own, independent Rykhus in the building at 205 East 6th Street. This affirmation was extraordinarily refreshing. But as we sat in the Creative Room adjacent to my cubicle, the most important message to me was..."
More of a proverb than a story, but my six word story is as follows:
be present and you will succeed.
Anderson 1
“This warm and bloody organ represented all the hard work and perseverance I had put in to achieve that moment. All the continuous walking and tiredness all suddenly became worth it; knowing that is was my defining moment and my deer.” The symbolism is representing when I got the chance to grab the heart from my first deer and when I did, how I felt a sense of accomplishment.
My six-letter short story: “Fall— always wanted— came and went.” My short story is about how fall is always wanted in my life and I’m sure a lot of others. It’s my favorite season and every year I wait for it to come back and visit again.
Becca Lien: Your short story caught my eye because it is so simple, yet it could explain a variety of different things that involve everybody. Great job.
Pearce 1
“It had a screensaver that was bouncing back-and-forth like a ball in a pinball machine, and each time it hit the side, it switched between different shades of green. Green is supposed to be a calming color, but I was anything but calm. This movement from the screensaver represented my feelings at the time: devastated, heartbroken, bewildered, and nervous.”
In this, I use a simile to describe the screensaver on my TV and this screensaver is a symbol of my feelings at the time.
Real men love pie, no doubt.
Evelyn:
Your example shows the dedication that athletes show while competing. It describes running track very well, even to a person who has never ran track before. I like the use of a short sentence and then a fragment right next to each other to emphasis your point. Your six-word story shows the same thing as well and I can connect. When there is an important moment in sports and you are playing, you zone everything out and just focus on what is at hand, and your six-word story embodies that.
Oddy 1
“I had begun to develop tunnel vision and the loud spectators around faded away into the distance leaving only the cage in front of me, sitting in the spotlight like a beacon calling to me.” In my opinion I thought that this sentence described the situation I was in perfectly by using good descriptive words to make the reader visualize exactly how I felt at the moment.
Surely, six-word short stories suck. No explanation needed.
I found Miss Quanbeck’s quote “She was eternally drunk on ignorance.” to be rather interesting and stick out from the rest of the short stories that people had posted. The reason this quote stood out to me was probably due to the fact that it can be argued that everybody can be in the same state as the woman/girl stated in her story. In that aspect, I found her short story to be rather impressive as it could probably be applied to many different people, and also other people of the opposite gender, given “she” was changed to “he”.
"The clock ticked on, more students arrived, all college age, with the exception of three men and three women who were parents and had established careers. At 18 and still in high school, I was by far the youngest in my class, which I expected. A woman with short, blonde hair walked in and introduced herself as Julie Swensen, and welcomed us to the school."
I feel this is a good example of how out of place I felt. I was perfectly competent in learning the material and applying it effectively, but no one could tell that by looking at me. Many people thought I was in my early 20's, and were flabbergasted when I told them otherwise. It also shows there was a welcoming teacher just like any other class at a high school, pieces of both the familiar and unknown came together. I came out of that experience with a knowledge that I knew would serve me well, and feeling like I could strap a lion to a backboard if it came down to it.
My short story:
She wept while leaving the cemetery.
That phone call from my dad instantaneously led to shivers down the back, stomach plunged to the ground and the count of beats to my heart must have quadrupled … With this sentence being composed, I am profoundly proud of the feeling and suspense created as my goal would be for you (the reader) to gain the same feelings that I felt at that time that unravel throughout my narrative essay.
My Story: Infatuated girl obscured with selfish desires Reading between the lines, this 6-worded story enfolds how I experienced a petrifying incident that to this day I am spectacle knowing that I may have been able to stop it from happening.
Comment: Bailey Quanbeck. I am intrigued with both your few sentences from the Narrative Essay and your six word story. The three sentences you shared that contain the literary device is perfect. The imagery is intense and feeling provoked causes goose
Smith, 1 (I forgot my name above)That phone call from my dad instantaneously led to shivers down the back, stomach plunged to the ground and the count of beats to my heart must have quadrupled … With this sentence being composed, I am profoundly proud of the feeling and suspense created as my goal would be for you (the reader) to gain the same feelings that I felt at that time that unravel throughout my narrative essay.
My Story: Infatuated girl obscured with selfish desires Reading between the lines, this 6-worded story enfolds how I experienced a petrifying incident that to this day I am spectacle knowing that I may have been able to stop it from happening.
Comment: Bailey Quanbeck. I am intrigued with both your few sentences from the Narrative Essay and your six word story. The three sentences you shared that contain the literary device is perfect. The imagery is intense and feeling provoked causes goose
"I closed my eyes in an effort to escape the moment, trying to forget about the reality of my life that kept rearing its ugly head at me. The nightmare dragged on; I heard the car pull up to what I forever will remember as something similar to that of Satan’s playground." I am especially proud of this moment in my narrative essay because of the metaphors that I placed in these sentences. Not only was my reality ugly, but it explains the feeling perfectly by how it's described as "rearing its ugly head." Same for Satan's playground, because that is how I will remember that place, for there is no other name that could describe any better.
My six-word story is this, "What I believed, I soon achieved."
Fritz 1
“As we raced through red lights I continually pinched myself, hoping that this was all a dream and I would soon awake. To my disappointment, I soon realized I would not be waking up anytime soon…” I believe this sentence shows how much I was in denial and did not want to accept what was happening. It also builds suspense, catching the attention of readers as they are curious to what is about to come next.
Six word story: A life full of the unexpected. This short story can be related to my life very well. Everything seems to be thrown my way but I have realized it does not matter if what is thrown at me is good or bad, but how I react to it.
Becca Lien—I thought your six-word story was so simple but yet very complex. It can be related to everyone on earth because nobody knows what is going to come next—an unwritten story.
Holmes 2
"The current was so strong that it was not only preventing us from moving forward, but was actually forcing us back. Our lazy swimming quickly turned into a frenetic front stroke." I chose these sentences from my essay because it exemplifies perfectly exactly what I was feeling. The sensation of fearing for your life is almost indescribable. It creates suspense particularly well when read in context, which was the main goal, as well as alliteration.
I just really love blog tasks. As you can see, my six-word short story expresses my unconditional love for these blog tasks.
Evelyn: I found your literary device to be extremely accurate. Because I myself run 400's, I can relate to this very well. The sentence, "The home stretch is where runners are truly separated" sticks out to me because it is so true. At the end of a 400, the only thing pushing you through is pure guts. Whoever has the strongest will to win will succeed.
"Do I really practice at odd hours of the night? Yes, I do, that is why I am so good." While my hypophora is probably not outrageously stunning, I believe it is the best part of my essay as it portrays part of my ego and personality within my essay while still looking discrete and normal.
“My Defeat will be my Triumph.” More a statement than a story, the six words I threw at you show that with loss and hardships, eventual winners will take what is theirs and will work harder to become the opposite of what they were at the beginning.
Marais Period 7: In all honest I have no clue who you are so I apologize for not placing a first name when I addressed this critique. The humor you introduced is oddly intriguing and I hope that other points of the essay are equivocally as funny. The other point I would like to comment on is your short story. The optimism that you give and the hope that one could draw for people that lack freedom really is more powerful than most could imagine. Thank you.
My comment is for Ryan Rykhus on both his short story and and brief telling of his narrative essay.
I enjoyed your essay because of the descriptive language in it but also the place you chose to leave off. Instead of delving further into your essay about what happens next, you instead left your audience "hanging." It was interesting.
Also, your six word story is very intriguing because it sums up such a large concept into only a few words. This could concept could easily be applied to school, for example, and I enjoyed that aspect.
Comment:
Shelby Fritz-I really liked the words you chose for your 6 word story. It is simple, in that it is short, but it says a lot. You could take those six words and go anywhere with them.
Ask pd. 5
My favorite part of my essay is " Glasslike, the water reflected the willow tree on the bank, and was backlit by the sun just about to set, giving the sky an orange hue. Everything tranquil. I sat there for a very long time. So long that, over the quiet lake I heard Carson making a joke about how I was just sitting there by myself. Once the water was completely glass-like, I would dip the yellow paddle of the kayak into the water, pull it out, and proceed to watch the water drip from the paddle making small ripples into the water, which then would expand, and be lost from all but my memory." I like this paragraph because, in my opinion, it vividly explains what the pond/lake looked like.
My six word essay is "The Idea: absolute safety, so naive." It comes from the idea "Absolute Safety enslaves absolutely." It talks about what we lose in exchange for being 100% safe.
Ode 5
“The energy of the crowd flowed threw me and gave me that little bit of a boost to dominate the next play.” This is an example of personification that I used in my essay.
The muddy cleats. This story is a symbol of the work that was put in by someone to attain a goal that they wanted.
I love Cam Holmes short story. I sense irony. It gave me a chuckle.
Murtha 5
As we grab for each other’s feckless arms tears start to flood out of our young eyes and Ann, the baby of the team, says to her mother, “Mom, I love you.” Silence. No one can manage to speak after this comment. We can hear the wind raging above us and then we can’t because our ears have become plugged. This is it. My eyes closed and prayed that this was not the end.
In this part of my essay I am explaining the moments when I really believe my life will end and trying to make it suspenseful for his readers.
Perfect. The only way to explain it.
Becca Lien you are completely correct in the fact that the part of your essay creates a great picture in the minds of your readers. “The aroma of elderly” actually placed me into a clinic or hospital. I was almost sad that the part ended. I wanted to know what was happening to your sister and if it was good or bad.
Rohrbach 5
My Essay:
They say this is what it means to have “butterflies”. In that moment it occurred to me how inaccurate that is. Butterflies are light, with tiny legs that tickle when they crawl on your finger, and wings that flutter like eye lashes. No, that did not describe how I felt at all. My stomach did not just turn, it roared with the force of a mighty storm upon the ocean.
Comment:
Smith 1: I love your six word story, “Infatuated girl obscured with selfish desire.” I am intrigued and wish I knew more. This reminds me of my own love-sick short comings and how easily our wants can blind us.
Six-word Story:
Trapped: Past gone, A bleak future.
Hall 5
“I sat sprawled upon the brown, untrimmed grass at the base of the Smyles’ backyard fence as the sun pulsated down onto my previously burnt face. Perplexed by not only the heat of the mid-July sun, but by the agony and pain surging through my body, I remained seated on the tough floor.” In this sentence I was very proud of how I described the setting and place of my narrative. It gives vivid details that help the reader visualize exactly where I was and what I how I felt.
Short story: She cried as the man left.
I loved Becca Lien’s six-word short story. I can completely agree and relate this story to my own life. The realism of this work provoked a heartfelt response.
Dykstra 7
1. "The walk to Mr. Sturgeon’s desk seems to last forever, and I notice that the six students who have already received their test scores are talking frenetically in hushed tones and seem distraught." I feel that this is an excellent example of suspense and foreshadowing from my essay.
2. One final goodbye, then, only darkness.
3. Bailey Quanbeck: Your short story is simply phenomenal. I love how it makes a point about life and how it can so easily be lost by failing to live in the present. I really enjoy the metaphor of being "drunk." Your story makes me consider my own life choices, and for that, I thank you.
"He looks at me with big, beautiful blue eyes, smiles, and says hey." This is one sentence I am proud of because I used alliteration, and I think this is a main part in my essay when my mood shifts.
I laugh, eyes look in. Attention.
Drake: I enjoy all of your essays and they are really heart felt. One of them even made me cry... I am so proud of you for opening up in your essays, being so honest, and using examples that have happened in your own life. You really inspire me with your work.
Lien 7
Bailey Quanbeck, I loved the use of your descriptive language in your narrative story. Your writing actually brought me into the story and made me feel as if I was a character in it. Just those few sentences left me wanting to know more. Keep up the great work!
Kruse 7
A bit of my essay that I am proud of is, “Even though I had carefully and frequently checked the weather while packing for the tri-annual trip, I had miscalculated along with the rest of the band and dressed in my “Florida best”—a tank top and shorts. As the charter busses that had incarcerated us for what seemed to be an eternity pulled into the sodden parking lot, many of us wondered if there was any potential enjoyment to be discovered in the day. However, I had a pink rain coat, masterful plan, sense of preparedness, and most importantly, a reason to be excited.” I think is successfully introduces my topic and sets the tone of the piece.
Here is my six word story: “The leaves fell as she did.”
A compliment is due to “Anderson 1.” The six word story, “Fall— always wanted— came and went.” is rather enjoyable. It is true that the autumnal season fades somewhat quickly, and that it often happens faster than we would like it to. The sentence expresses a longing in a simple, elegant way.
Presler 7
From My Essay:
"More than ever in my life, I wished at that moment that I could have returned to safety just like Dorothy Gale, by clicking my heels together and whispering, 'There’s no place like home.' Alas, 'The Wizard of Oz' does not realistically portray feasible travel options—a phrase which here means walking through leaves and nettles, with no supplies, and without any navigational skills."
In this excerpt, I effectively use allusion to describe the seriousness of my predicament and to convey the powerful emotions I was experiencing at the time the events of my essay occurred.
A Short Story:
I try on new underwear: Bliss.
If you have not experienced this incredible phenomenon, I hope one day you may find a set of wonderful undergarments that bring you to a state of sheer elation.
To Cam Holmes:
I enjoyed reading your six-word short story. While I would not say that I too "just really love blog tasks," I can relate to your infatuation in that I simply adore donning a nice, new pair of Hanes/Fruit of the Loom undergarments, and I do so every chance I get. I wish you best of luck, Cam, with this essay and future essays, as well as with your beloved blog tasks.
Bingen 7
“The Lynx had the chance to earn what none of the talented Brandon Valley teams since 1998 had. A state football championship trophy.” These two sentences come from my narrative essay and contain a very strong symbol. Being the champion of anything means that you were able to overcome every obstacle, no matter the size, to get to achieve a goal of being the best. A state championship trophy in football, however, symbolizes all of the hard work needed to earn it. A football season is a daily grind and a championship is the ultimate reward for a team’s perseverance.
Six word story:
Finishing a blog task, right meow.
Comment: Adam Presler, I can relate.
Tellinghuisen 7
"That summer’s leaves had begun to slowly change to the colors of gold, red, yellow, brown, and orange. They soon withered away, dropping to the ground in dried crackling heaps. The sky had been lacking moisture for weeks and the foliage around me looked as though it was gasping for relief or an end to its suffering."
This is my most proud exerpt from my narrative mainly for its imagry and allusion to my symbol of fire. I also felt this flowed very well.
Short Story:
The most complex art is comprehension.
If you really think about it, once you truely comprehend a topic in school for example, something that once was confusing now makes complete sense. You just have to get overcome the hurdle of understanding.
Stensrud 5
My Narrative: “My tears, both of sadness and happiness, slowly dripped onto my already wet body.” I chose this sentence, not only because it is a main part of my essay, but also because it is an antithesis. Most would contribute tears to sadness, but in my situation, I linked both emotions to one action. This sentence perfectly draws all the elements in my essay together.
Comment on others: Alex Ask 5- Although I read your essay in class, this part of your essay is so vivid and imaginable. The intense words you use to describe each action instantly create a picture in my mind. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your essay and thought it was superb.
Six Word Sentence: One moment, two people in love.
Kara pd. 2
"My eyes immediately pooled with tears as I looked up at my older sister in pure misunderstanding. My throat would not let me talk, and my stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots." I chose these couple of sentences from my essay because it exemplifies my mood perfectly when I find out that my mom was in the hospital. I am proud of the vivid image that these few sentences will place in the reader's mind.
Six-Word Story: Do believe in yourself, do not quit. My short story applies to my life because I have had several moments where I realized I cannot succeed unless I believe in myself.
Evan Tellinghuisen I enjoyed reading your short story because although it is so few words, I found the meaning behind it is very relatable.
Zahn 5
“Anxiety is what you feel before a big game or an important test. That excitement you get before a vacation to your favorite place, or the butterflies in your stomach before a first date. Anxiety is what you feel when you are about to get on a plane to start a whole new life all the way across the world. Anxiety is just what I felt on that hot, humid morning of August 22, 2001.” I chose these sentences from my story because they contain an idiom, "butterflies in your stomach" describing a nervous feeling in one's stomach. I also create suspense with the last sentence, using an illusion to what comes next.
Six word story: She sobbed while eating ice cream.
Becca Lien: Your story caught my eye because I was also thinking about writing something about life being an unwritten story. I completely agree with you. You just have to live life now and everything will eventually take care of itself.
Heidbrink 1
"Wearing a dingy wife beater, jeans, and no shoes, the Goliath of a man towered over me, looking down with a furious expression displayed on the wrinkling face that resided under his balding head."
I like this sentence because I think that I create a vivid yet concise description of the antagonist of my narrative story. I also like my sentence because it is a subtle yet recognizable biblical reference to David and Goliath. (For those of you who don't know, my story is about my childhood slingshot shenanigans.)
Six word Story:
Set forth and don't turn back.
Comment:
Tiara, I really like the metaphors you employed in the quote from your essay. I could picture in my mind a hellish playground created by Lucifer himself that is inhabited by a vicious hydra-like creature that is reality. I can relate to the feeling of wanting to escape reality and I think you did a fine job of summarizing that emotion.
“It was only until I looked at the list that I had regained my perception of time and how it was closing in on me. The light that shone in the darkness on this list acted as a window allowing me to see what lay outside.” The literary device I used was imagery. I feel as though I succeeded in utilizing descriptive vocabulary to the best of my ability. It seems to create a feeling of suspense as well as the main event in my essay approaches.
My six word essay is- Greatness is a facade everyone believes. This short essay pertains to my actual essay, and it can be seen from two different viewpoints. Either nothing great has been done and people believe it to be anyway or something great has been done but the person that did that does not believe so.
My comment is for Spencer Heidbrink. Those couple sentences from your essay are descriptive and simple at the same time, yet they stand out to me as they created immense suspense as I wonder what your essay is about and what could possibly happen next
Dreyer 2
Literary devices in a narrative provide imagery, enhance the writing, and make for a more interesting story to the reader. A few sentences from my narrative essay are, “But the piercing glow radiating from my man-made device was now mocking me. Mocking me with its knowledge. With its understanding.”
I really enjoy these few sentences because I composed them to personify my phone illuminating the surrounding area. I personify this simple yet powerful device in order to show my feelings at the moment in my essay. Confused and helpless, I felt subordinate to a piece of technology which seemed to know everything I did not—relaying information to me that I could not comprehend.
My six-word short story is “Abolishing the mask: freedom without facades”
I would like to compliment Shelby Fritz’s short story, “A life full of the unexpected”. I really think in those six words you have captured a concept everyone can relate to in their life. Particularly, in my narrative I talk a lot about the road of life that everyone travels on. No one is prepared for the unexpected twists and turns on their path. Even though many of these unanticipated situations cause pain and anguish at the time, they seem to make us stronger and ready for anything life throws at us.
Baum 5
My Narrative: “The sky was a pale blue with no cloud in sight. The typical winds associated with the Midwest were nowhere to be found and instead replaced with a subtle breeze that sent the aroma of freshly cut grass into the fresh air. The rhythm of the basketball pounding the pavement was accompanied by the sound of laughter as children ran down the street.” I chose these sentences because I felt that the imagery used here clearly illustrated the setting in my essay. I tried to use as many sensory details as possible.
Short Story: Naïve are those comprised with ignorance.
Comment: Spencer Heidbrink, I love your short story simply because it is the truth. When one sets out to do something they should do it with one-hundred percent of themselves. You cannot worry about the past; only look forward to the present and future. Do it with passion or not at all.
Tellinghuisen 7
Adam Presler
I don't even have to know what the topic of your narrative is to understand that you are trying to convey the fact that you did not want to be where you were at that moment. I believe you did a great job of taking the emotions you were feeling and making them easily relatable to us as readers by using a pop culture example such as The Wizard of OZ.
Clark 1
1. Our lost hope. Our crutch. Our support. The two girls knew exactly how we felt and the four of us were connected at the hip for the rest of the night. I used the girls as symbols of the intense situation we were in when we thought there was no hope in finding someone that understood. In a time that my friend and I felt we were completely misplaced and needed to leave, we found the two girls that knew exactly how we were feeling and we relied on each other for the rest of the night. When we thought it was time for us to get away from everyone, we found the girls “as a crutch” that helped us through the night.
2. My six-word story is: "Life is full of unexpected situations." The story describes life as a whole, a person never knows what is going to happen in the future with anything. Life is unexpected and nothing can control it.
3. Drake Van Egdom. To me, your story describes every first encounter with anyone perfectly. I am shy around people that I am unfamiliar with and the whole situation becomes awkward because of it. It is simple, but explains meeting someone for the first time exactly how it is. Good job.
Johnson 1
The best literary device I have in my essay is a buck. The hunting of the dear symbolizes a similar hunt for my dad’s approval and pride. In my essay the deer at one point is looking me in the face and taunting me, just out of reach like my dad’s pride. But as time unfolds he becomes my prey and eventually, my kill. I feel this is my best device because it is most directly related to the objective of my essay.
But the screaming had stopped instantly.
Spencer, I liked your literary device because without using the word Goliath to describe the man you seem like you’re at a disadvantage. Using Goliath makes you seem more like David and gives hope that you will win whatever battle will ensue.
Paul 2
“My sisters and I morphed into three blonde elves scurrying with pure diligence to find everyone’s happiness.” I chose this sentence because it includes a symbol. The presents that we had lost signified our family and friend’s happiness. At the time, I thought that if we did not find their gifts they would be disappointed and unhappy.
Until she was out of strength.
Bailey Quanbeck—I was impressed by your six-word short story because it forced me to think about what could have happened. I also enjoyed the few sentences from your narrative essay that included great use of suspense. Good job!
Lusk 5
“He had gray hair that jumped out from under his hat and large glasses that were to heavy for his face. A beard that consumed his chin, and eyes the color of the pavement that refused to open beyond halfway. His skin looked a white as stone and his lips were carved into a deranged smirk.” This is an excerpt of my narrative where I am describing one of the men that pulled up next to us. This is the part that I am most proud of because I think it really gives the readers a visual of what he looked like and it might also impress an emotion upon them. It helps set the mood of the story instead of literally having to say it was scary.
Six word story: “Thinking too hard ends in disappointment.”
Rohrbach: I am very intrigued by the excerpt of your essay. I love that you are contradicting a common cliché. It makes the reader curious and pulls them into your essay—it easily caught my attention. Also, the way you then go on to describe it is very visual and easy for the reader to understand what you are trying to say.
Ellis pd 2
His normally tanned face was as colorless as the wall behind him, and the hospital gown did nothing to complement his broken body.
This is my favorite sentence in my essay because it is not at all fictitious. This is exactly what I was thinking that day. It also describes the setting, but characterizes my father in the weakness I saw.
Story: Declining adventure, I was left behind.
I liked Tiara Tingle’s story because it contains a conflict and a resolution within only six words. The one sentence contains multiple emotions: depression, hope, conquest, victory. Excellent job!!
Kline 5
“I peeled my eyes off the bewitching fire for a second to look back at my mother. She was now staring directly into the face of a large woman that could only be described as an Olga. A seven-foot-tall, raging mad, hulk of a human being, Olga stepped onto the porch to take care of the pesky nuisance at the door.” The literary device I used in these sentences is characterization and, to some extent, stereotype. The woman who answered the door was most likely neither called Olga, nor was she seven feet tall. However, I remember seeing the woman for the first time and thinking, “her name is Olga.” This thought combined with my childishly exaggerated memory of the event is what led to the description of her.
My six word story is “Nobody noticed life’s true deception? Oops.”
I really like Kim Zahn’s six word story. At first it made me chuckle, and then it made me think. I guess it didn’t matter why she was sobbing; ice cream is the solution to any and all problems.
Hindbjorgen 1
"I can find relief in the fact notes on the page won’t stand up and move to a different key, and that I will never have to audition in front of Mozart himself. Now, I can let the wind carry me freely, like a balloon, through the unknown." I selected these sentences from my narrative essay because I am a bit sarcastic throughout my essay, but not enough to take away from my story. These sentences present prime examples of personification and my symbol of the balloon. Another example (I have a horrible time making decisions on my favorite parts): “I was now discovering my reckoning was pointless—everything was different when you were sitting before a judge who observes your every bow stroke, finger, blink, breath, and thought. Feeling her glare penetrate through my face, the prospect that she may be able to see my soul began to wear at me.” This creates suspense in my story by making the judge seem fierce, and even making her seam more powerful than a human by giving her abilities to see souls.
My six-word story is, “The phone rang—my heart sunk.” Unfortunately, everyone at one point of of their life has experiences this sensation of heart break and disappointment. My connection lets me relate to the readers on the next level.
Ally Dykstra: Your six word story is wonderful! I know how the final goodbye feels, and it feels like there is no light in the future. I would suggest that you reverse the structure of the sentence, to remove the awkward "then". Maybe try: "Only darkness followed one final goodbye."
Bailey Quanbeck: Your six word story is amazing! I can honestly understand the frustration one might have with they type of woman you are describing. I have no doubt about her lifestyle of personality, as you described it so clearly in so few words.
Long 5
My Narrative: “That’s where everything hit me. I will no longer be living at home, eating dinner with my family, cracking jokes with my dad, arguing with my sisters, or talking about my day at school with my mom.” I use these couple of sentences in my essay because it creates an image of the daily life I have had for the past eleven years that I will no longer have one year from now.
Six Word Sentence: Be true to who you are.
Comment: Kara Schroeder – Your short story caught my eye because I as well feel that sometimes quitting is the easier way out rather than believing in myself.
Peltier 1
“Lights changed from red to green, though I would have given anything to be able to stop time and live in the gloriousness of newly-formed friendships. At the final intersection before the hotel, we looked at each other seeing—dread, sadness, and longing—reflecting back to us. We turned into the parking lot, the final moments we had together as a family had passed.” I like these sentences due to the irony in them. I love that I drew a connection between time and the stop lights, when all we usually want the stoplights to do is turn green in this moment I don’t want them to change. With the changing of the lights, it brings me ever closer to the final goodbye to my Norwegian friends. By using this irony it allows my essay to make more of a connection on an emotionally.
Short Story
Pain surged, loss devastated, sorry deepened
Compliment
Annika: I loved reading through you essay in class. Your essay has the ability to allow people to put themselves in your position as you were going trough your auditions. The descriptive language you use in your essay draws a connection between your experiences and the reader.
Kate Ellis: Your six-word story is great you call to question what adventure you missed out on. In addition, what could have caused you to decline the adventure in the first place; the adventure you were left behind on could have had a negative or positive outcome. The six words you wrote allow the readers mind to think deeper and imagine what they think happened.
Grage 2
"I was deep in left field, to the fence, running in desperately to the trim of the dirt urging to catch the ball." This is my favorite sentence in my essay because it gives my audience details onto what is happening and giving suspense at the same time.
Six-word short story: "Opening the door, she ran fearfully."
Alex Oddy, I was intrigued by your six word story because it made me laugh!
West 5
Narrative: "After watching this clip for what seemed like eternity, we returned to the locker room to gather our gear. I checked, double checked, and triple checked, making sure that I had bagged all of my apparel."
Six word short story: I received the text--relief.
Compliment: Tiara, I agree with your six word short story completely. If you believe you can do something, you can.
Kramer 2
Narrative Essay:
“I thought I understood disaster. Until then, I did not realize how sheltered of a life I had lead.” I believe this is a good example of suspense. Up to this point in my essay I have set up and built up towards the maximum suspense displayed shortly after this.
Six Word Story:
I became the victim of tragedy.
Comment:
Rohrbach 5: “Trapped: Past gone, A bleak future.”
This intrigues me. I am left wanting more and am reminded of a book I have recently read. I also believe this is truly relatable to life. Sometimes we all get caught between knowing what to do. We know the past is gone but don’t completely comprehend where the future is taking us.
A favorite sentence of mine in my (sort of) narrative essay is as follows: “So primordial, so brilliant, it must have been the stuff of creation.” I’m attracted to this sentence so much because I absolutely adore the last three words, a phrase I stole from Cormac McCarthy’s “Blood Meridian.” In it, McCarthy describes The Kid, the protagonist of the novel: “His origins are become remote as is his desinty and not again in all the world’s turning will there be terrains so wild and barbarous to try whether the stuff of creation may be shaped to man’s will or whether his own heart is not another kind of clay.” A downright monster of a sentence. Whenever I stumble across a brilliant piece of writing while reading McCarthy, I realize just how much feeling can be evoked through words on a page.
My six-word short story:
He bit down on the barrel.
I loved Ally Dykstra's short story because she did an extraordinary job in giving her impression of death in so few words.
Also,
I spelled destiny wrong.
Also, one more six-word short story:
My vocabulary is really pretty big.
Smith 5
“The next morning, you hear the reoccurring footsteps of your mother to come awake you, however, this time she’s not coming to inform you to wake up for school. This time, she is coming to inform you that there has been a burglary.”
Six word story: “Love? Or simply just a desire?” This short story is a classification of whether the emotion- love- expels just a feeling or a desire. Why is love blind? What determines if an individual is in love? Lust and love are described as similar connotations; however, they are significantly different. Is your love everlasting, or just an emotion that quickly phases?
Tiara Tingles six worded story:"What I believed, I soon achieved."
Comment: I really enjoyed this short, descriptive story because although it only has six words, it explains multiple aspects of life. Many people have goals, but to achieve a goal is an achievement itself. I also liked this short story because it immediately caught my eye when I noticed the rhyming words. Good job, Tiara, for making your sentence flow naturally and allowing it to be astonishingly manifest. Similarly, one picture can have a thousand words, but six words can have numerous different meanings.
Polasky 5
I found that the narrative essay was by far the most pleasant to write and the essay I became most excited about. That being said, I found it rather difficult to choose which literary device I enjoyed the most. In the end I selected this sentence, "Leaping around the yard beneath my pastel pink umbrella with its hooked handle and ruffles outlining the rim of the canopy, I felt as if I had morphed into a princess from a Disney movie." Though this simile may not be my most effective writing throughout the essay, the sentence chosen ranks dearest to my heart because it epitomizes my character and actions 10 years ago. The thought this sentence makes me smile and reminisce on how innocent and imaginative I was as a 7-year-old.
My six-word short story: Intoxicating appeal, my eyes drift shut.
This depicts the relief I feel every night as my head hits the pillow.
I enjoyed Megan Peltier's story quite a bit. Not only were her words relatable to both myself and others, they also are extremely vivid. This story can be applicable to any situation dealing with heartbreak and loss. Amazing job!
"Mother leaned against the pallid walls, her face growing faint. Adjusting her nimble arm around me, I enclosed myself with the secure, warmth feeling I longed for the past months. I buried my undeveloped head into her hospital gown, and inhaled deeply as I attempted to recollect her natural scent. I silently began to sob." The previous excerpt describes imaginary of the first interaction I had with my mother after she had been diagnosed with stage-three colon cancer. After spending quality time, or perhaps months, with friendly neighbors and distant relatives, I longed for my mother. Due to mother's disease,she became unrecognizable: shrinking, shriveling,verdant complexion,and hair-loss all contributed to the dreadful characteristics of my newly reformed mother.
Live boldly yet bravely, regret nothing.
Life is extremely delicate and precious. Bursting the cliche bubble leads us to wondrous adventures,jolting excitement, and mysteries toward our future. The ability to live fiercely is compelling and radiates off onto others. Never look back and you shall have no need to question or doubt.
Abby Lusk addresses an accurate idea. As teenagers, we over-think everything. "What outfit I should wear today?" "What do people actually think about me?" "What if the cops catch us?" We constantly create visions, or scenarios, that most likely will not happen or are unable to occur. Settling for less sometimes leads us in a positive, less stressful path. The less we care about minor concerns, the truly happier we will become..
Klamm 2
I had found my way through the labyrinth, fought the Minotaur of panic, and was victorious.
Robot thinks for itself: builds robot.
Taylor Murtha: I liked your six-word story. Perfect is such a hard thing to reach. Once perfection is reached I think that should be the only way to describe anything that is perfect. Great six-word story.
Buse 2
Narrative essay: "Slowly I shuffle toward the bathroom readied with a full bathtub and my hairdryer plugged in. The past four and a half minutes replay in my mind. The pain. The despair. The fear. Here I am, to my left is the bathroom, and to the right is the stairs. The stairs will lead to tomorrow, and the bathroom will lead to the end. I turn. It is the last turn I ever make." These concluding sentences of my essay are by far my favorite. They are unexpected because the narrative was supposed to be based on a real life event, yet I made my essay not about my self, but a close friend, and still embellished the pain and agony. I like how it eludes to the narrator's death, and way of death, but it does not flat out say the narrator committed suicide. It makes the reader sit back and think about what just happened, which was the goal. The literary device shown in these last concluding thoughts is suspense, even though it ended abruptly.
Six word story:The best experiences are those unforeseeable.
I chose this as my six-word short story because it doesn't need anymore elaboration.
"She sobbed while eating ice cream." When I read this six-word story by Kim Zahn, I immediately loved it. It may be the way I can relate to it, or the fact that typically eating ice cream is a happy/nice experience yet the girl is sobbing. I am utterly intrigued and entertained. Part of the reason I liked it is that it is almost a little silly and made me chuckle. Kudos to Kim.
Gacke 2
"My vision blurred--the monstrous house suffocated me, squeezing me away from my best friend. Frantically, I untangled myself from our web of arms and reached for the door, but I turned around once more. I gazed at my best friend, my face crinkled in pain and covered in tears, her face only mirroring mine. I suddenly realized I had not encountered the last member of the family, but as I turned to leave, I caught a glimpse of him at the top of the staircase, his face just like ours."
The house is personified in the beginning of the excerpt, but I am especially proud of the last sentences, monumentally important to the essay. Our similar, pain-stricken faces symbolize the unity of our friendship and the hardship we are enduring together as we say goodbye.
Alarms incarcerate me in everlasting misery.
The six-word story was inspired by an experience I had with an elderly woman in the hospital who is mentally gone. Every day, she attempts to leave, sounding the bed alarm in which nurses rush to push her back in her everlasting misery.
I would like to compliment Kate Ellis's six-words story. Completely open-ended, she leaves the reader to interpret the meaning. Declining adventure can be beneficial or injurious depending on the surrounding situation. I applaud you, Kate, on the subtle profoundness of your short story.
Nitz 7
I hear the bedsprings squeak relief as she stands, the door creak open, and then her speak. “Oh no”, she says. My anxiety grows as I walk to find her.
I chose this excerpt from my introduction of my essay, about the repercussions of flushing the toilet paper in Guatemala, because I fortuitously used the words “squeak, creak, and speak” without noticing the way they (somewhat) cleverly rhymed. I also unintentionally employed personification, and then realized it later. Finding these little nuances in my narrative makes me hopeful of the possibility of becoming an enhanced writer.
My six-word story: Broken, she saw the positive test.
Erin Buse, I enjoyed reading your snippet. The choppy-ness of the sentences is perfect; it helps to delineate the emotions of the situation perfectly. Empathy is garnered up for the subject of your essay.
Beldin 1
"Death is a child coming in to change how a person acts, feels, and develops for the rest of their life."
In the ending part of my essay I personified how a death created a spiral of events, much like the birth of any child will do.
Six word story: Her happiness stemmed from her sorrow.
Evan Tellinghuisen, I enjoyed your short story because, it caused me to think deeper about it. I found you could comprehend your story in many different ways and from so many different views.
“This fire renewed hope and energy in all of us, even though most of our gear was either broken or underwater. The fact that it had survived was met with cheers and high fives all around. We thought that if it could not only survive but thrive under these harsh conditions, then so could we.” This comes from my narrative essay that describes the time a group of friends and I were caught in a severe storm while backpacking. We had no exit, no supplies, and little shelter. However, by working together and thinking on our feet we were able to overcome the dire circumstances. The fire survived because of our ingenuity in saving it, and it later became a symbol of hope for the rest of the day, as well as the rest of the trip.
My short story is thought provoking as well as a play on words.
Six word short story: Contentment, take as much as desired.
Spencer Heidbrink: I found the description in your essay to be disturbingly vivid. Your portrayal of the man is enough to make anyone feel intimidated. Also, your short story was concise and complete.
Jackson 1
"The dress screamed at me in complete desperation and complete perfection." This sentence came from my narrative essay where I was describing my choice of dress apparel. I had shopped very late so the dress needed to be sold, hence the desperation. The dress was also perfect in my eyes, which is where the perfection piece came into play.
Her thoughts drift when most needed. This story describes a constant battle with ADHD. I have had much trouble keeping my thoughts focused, especially when I need them most.
My compliment goes out to Shannon Gacke. I really liked how much feeling you could evoke in just six words. I sympathized and felt along with the character. It's extremely gripping.
Bachman 1
My narrative essay details my adventures at the music festival Sound Set. Thousands of people congregated to celebrate rap music. Unbelievable antics were demonstrated, amounting to one fantastic experience. My quote, "The crowd thrashing about, a torrent of bodies uncontrollably determining my position. I had become victim to the streams of dancing and jubilation, like a bottle in the ocean, no power to determine my fate." describes the crowd as being one all powerful entity. You move with the crowd, the ability to free move around is gone.
The thirst; quenched. Hunger still present. My intention with this short story was to describe poverty while being able to apply to other aspects of life as well.
Jon Heiberger: I absolutely love your short story. It raises questions as to why this person is doing this, or if it is self inflicted or the result of interaction between people. I believe your six words are powerful, providing a vivid glimpse at the sad truth.
Henderson 7
"I got up slowly, staggering to my feet like a wounded soldier". In my essay, I use a lot of similes and this is one of them. This simile describes how my physical appearance was after I ripped my sack. Most people know an injured person will stumble and shake when getting up. It helps create the image that I was hurt with extreme pain.
My short story.
Surgery done. My manhood now gone.
The short story is my story but changed in a major way. I think it leaves the suspense of what happened. Did the person choose to lose manhood or did an accident take place. It is all up to the reader.
I really like John Bachman's short story because poverty is a big issue and many people suffer from it. Then it also leaves the idea of an eating disorder. Is the person starving themselves to make their appearance better? Maybe.
Arens 2
Towards the beginning of the story I personify the calf mocking me while it's in the chute. "The calf seemed to be mocking me, getting my nerves wrapped up in a bunch." Later on I add a little bit of humor by stating "Now who's mocking who?" It could also be a symbol of my triumph over a calf that thought it could almost"outsmart" me.
You gotta enjoy the little things.
My short story is as simple as life should be. If you don't enjoy the little things you have not lived your life to the fullest.
Spencer Heidbrink I really like your short story. The meaning is a concept many people do not try to do. If you start to do something you should not turn back, you should finish until you are satisfied. I'm sure you use this concept in wrestling just as I use it in rodeo.
Rykhus 1
Holmes
I think that your six word story is very true, It is quite profound and rises above the obvious. "I just really love blog tasks" Simply elegant, I can tell that you truly meant what you said as i see you slink off to the library often during our third period free period and return with a huge smile on your face that I can only assume is from completing such an enjoyable task as blog task.
Garrow 2
1.) My heart undoubtedly sinking, I looked for a passage of relief. The thought of leaving my team on the field in the first game of the season was unprecedented and as the team doctor and other trainers examined my reactions to certain tests, the intent glare was unmeasurable and not promising. Could it be the end of my senior season? A torn ACL? LCL?
I tried to make my ending sentences of a paragraph a little suspenseful but I am struggling on how to do it. Ideas?
2.) Encasing Ideas of Robbing Krispy Kreme.
3.) Noah Klamm Short Story is merely true and examines our future as humans.
Staab 5
The sentences I'm proud of are "After that night I realized he was right. I was not smart enough to get into vet school." I both love and hate these sentences. I love them because I realized that I wasn't meant to be a vet, it just wasn't my calling. I hate these sentence because I had let someone else determine what I wanted to do. I had admitted defeat.
I'm a prisoner in my mind.
This story is my life story. I'm a prisoner in my own mind. I'm constantly trying to break loose but not matter what I do I'll never escape.
Staab 5
Beldin's six word story is great. It has a personal impact on me because out of my own sorrow becomes happiness. I really enjoy how it was point blank with no sugary words
Swanson 1
1. "Enjoying every moment will make one’s life so much better if they continue to enjoy everything and just have a positive attitude..."
2. Procrastination is not always the way. (Ironic since I waited until the final day)
3.Alex Ask, I liked your short story about being too safe, and I agree with that about missing out because of being too safe
Brockey 1
“My left leg had been completely twisted on itself whilst being wrapped around my right leg and hyper-extended. The only resembling image would be that of a car wrapped around a street light. It looked as impossible as it sounds but I had rolled the ball to my players and play continued as I sprawled my leg in a recumbent way and waited for play to stop so I could be aided by a trainer.” I used descriptive writing in my passage and at the end I set up a feeling of helplessness.
Running far, training hard. Failure Overcome.
This short story was made from all of the sport commercials that you see about going above and beyond, or doing “one more.” Emerging from a rough past year training to prevail in the next season will help you overcome failure.
“Quanbeck 5
The most intense and suspenseful sentences of my narrative are those found in the description of my oral interp performance. I pull readers into my oral interp piece and give them a sense of the fear and darkness within the story. “Those sitting in the audience are transformed; they can see the stretchers rolling through the school parking lot, can feel the cold stares of terrified parents and somber officers. Can hear the sirens. The gunshots.” When writing my narrative, I attempted to show the intensity of an oral interp piece in only a few sentences. Instead of explaining how I act, I tell of what is happening as if the people in the audience are petrified witnesses. The sentences I chose as my best vehicles of literary devices explain a dramatic moment with structure designed to quicken reading. The first sentence is long, and the following fragments become progressively shorter, forcing readers to continue with more panic. This stylistic choice of using choppy fragments increases suspense and propels readers further into my story. “
Maybe in your story when you are using your sense of darkness you can expand on where you are by looking at everything happening so yes there are stretchers rolling through this school but over in the field there are two innocent children playing a game, maybe catch with a football. This could help show how there is more going on and even though this one terrible moment changes lives. The world still turns.
Holiway 7
1. “That caramel macchiato tasted like freedom and independence. Warmth consumed my body with every sip I took, making me feel self-assured once again.” Part of this was borrowed from the movie Open Season, where Elliot says his coffee tastes like freedom in a cup.
2. Always looking forward, destination: never found. This applies to everyone in life as we look toward an event coming our way. Once it has occurred, it is over with and we look onto the next thing, never reaching a final destination.
3. Megan Peltier: I really liked your six word story as evokes the feelings we gain through each failure in life, no matter how small.
Martinmaas 2
"Dentist appointments only came twice a year and today was my day to sit in a leather chair and be asked tedious questions about my summer. The agonizing cycle of having to open and close my mouth wasn’t an ideal way to spend my summer day." I really liked these two sentences because I think a lot of people can relate to going to the dentist and being asked numerous questions while the dentist's hands are still in their mouth. I found it added humor to my story.
I really liked Kim Zahn's short story because it made me laugh and I think a lot of us have gone through a time where we depended on ice cream to make us feel better.
Six-Word Story: Her night light no longer glowed
Berg 2
At first, we were unsure if we were still behind the church...
My six-word short story is, “My love for you is inevitable.”
Evelyn, you have a great deliberate fragment from your narrative essay. I like how your six-word story goes along with your narrative essay, good job!
McGee 5
I squatted then flew. Then black. Nothing but Black.
She flies south for the winter.
Jacqualyn, I think your narrative essay section is very suspenseful. I wish I could read your whole essay. Thank you for writing about me in your six-word short story! (just kidding)
1. "When the countdown reached one, the cart took off running, accelerating from 0-60 in just under three seconds. The chair yanked me back, and we were off." I used personification in these two sentences.
2. The best thing to eat: Ketchup
3. I like Matt Pearce's six-word short story because it is quite comical. I think it is false, however because my dad is a real man, but he does not like pie.
Jackson 5
1) “Peering through the large oval glass subdivided into smaller pieces of various shapes and sizes encased in the solid oak panel that stands as our front door, the weather seems to be a fair 68 degrees with a few wisps of wind. Yellowed leaves placed among a pale white sky.” I know the first is somewhat of a long sentence, but using imagery, i think it paints a very nice picture.
2) After all, finally, lost to obliteration.
3) Holiway 7, A chills ran down my spine as I read your short story and description. You built the feeling and topic of my entire narrative essay and presented it with only 6 words. You point out that sometimes the best thing is looking forward to something and not actually living it.
1. I shut off the fuel pump and with one fluid motion, turned the shiny, red magneto switch to the start position and felt a rattling in my bones as engine roared to life.
2. Flying: the most incredble sensation imaginable.
3. I liked Cody Woessners short story about Ketchup. I find this rather humerous because I have never met anybody who consumes more ketchup than him. It fits his personality and for those who know him well, it will spark a smile.
Mutschelknaus 2
My sweatshirt gripped my neck, slowly squeezing harder and harder until it became unbearable. Tears filled my eyes and a slight brackish taste filled my mouth. I did not make the team.
Along the road, he slowly walked. I chose this story because it lets the reader choose what event has occurred. For me, it correlates with my narrative essay and how we all move past rejection when it arises in our lives.
Erin Buse: I enjoyed your story very much so solely based on the fact that it is so true. We are never able to anticipate when great experiences will arrive in our lives.
Berberich 2
“With being a fourth grader at the time, squeezing the throttle was an easy concept. So easy, clasping the throttle is like a drug abuse for fourth graders. Faster is better—more is better.”
I enjoy this sentence because it accurately describes the feeling I felt driving my snowmobile on my accidental day. I feel that other people go through the same emotions while driving their machines.
My short story is, “Look both ways before crossing paths.” I feel this story is a relevant to my life because I have crossed many paths and I feel I have taken most of the right ones to end up where I am today. Like I said I had to look both ways before crossing.
Shelby Fritz, I enjoyed your short story; it is very relevant to many lives. It sums up what is to be expected with life and what is not to be expected. “A life full of the unexpected.”
Quanbeck 5
Johnson's short story intrigued me: "But the screaming had stopped instantly." The word "but" adds variety to the fragment that makes me think beyond the few words. What would have happened otherwise? What was the narrator/protagonist/character thinking? What previous action took place before the segue "but"? "The screaming had stopped instantly" does not hold nearly the amount of power that your short story does, with only one, three-letter word serving as the difference. The single word changes the story's impact and adds mystery.
Pruett 7
1.) Stepping out into the blazing sun from the crisp and cool air of the school, I soon felt the intense heat and sticky, viscous air cloak my body. A mix of anxiety and curiosity was pitted in my stomach, and I could only imagine how my very first cross country practice would go. As we began to jog at the sidewalk, I began to understand that this new, precarious experience wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, literally and figuratively.
2.) From the shadowy depths it emerged. I chose this short story in honor of Halloween. It allows the reader to picture any horror to the limit of their imagination.
3.) Amanda Berberich, I really enjoyed your sentences from your narrative essay. When I was around the age of 4th grade, I crashed a four-wheeler because I was going too fast. Your analogy really depicts the fascination and love of speed with machines amongst kids.
Smith 2
“As we drive through the dark I listen to the macabre story being told. The old scratchy radio sounds heighten the frightening story being told.” With these sentences I was trying to give the reader a feeling of what it was like in that early morning.
“Adrenaline was coursing through her body.” I was trying to think about what to write about when my skating coach texted me. It got me thinking about how in competitions right before getting on the ice. It’s so exciting to hear your name being called and taking those first steps. I enjoy skating and that’s why I chose it!
Hall5 I really enjoyed how you described the pain you were going through. I felt like I was right next to you watching you laying there. You give a good sense of what you’re feeling, and it was nice how you talked about your sunburned skin! I know how that is.
Onnen 2
In narrative essay I decided to use the weather as a symbol throughout the story. At first the weather reflects my emotions when I am sick and learning of my grandfathers death. I used this sentence: "The rain poured down on the windows as we drove, mimicking the tears flowing down my cheeks the entire drive." At the end of my essay, I start to feel better and come to terms with my grandfathers death. I use this sentence to describe weather at that time: "But waking up to my breaking fever and the ethereal sun breaking through the curtains gave me hope that things were moving up from that point on."
For my six sentence story I chose this: "Life is difficult, keep moving on." I believe this is a story everyone can relate to; which is probably evident in most of our narrative essays. We all had that moment where it seemed like nothing else could go wrong e we somehow get through it.
Devan West, I really liked your six-word short story because it is also something I think everyone can relate to. We all have probably had that moment where we send a risky text message and are on the edge of our seat waiting for a reply. Or your story could be about waiting to hear how a family member is doing in the hospital if they are ill. Also, it could be about waiting to hear how a family member is doing in the hospital if they are ill. Also, it could be about waiting to hear if someone is safe, whether that be parents checking on their child or waiting to hear if someone got home safely to and from a trip.
Antrim 5
"After all the nut may or may not have fallen far from the tree but the tree fell far from the nut." In my essay I am telling of the time when I met my biological father Dan for the first time. This sentence is describing how I (the nut) am like him but Dan (the tree) is nothing like me because he didn't want me as a daughter.
It was dead after hard work. There could be many ways one could go with my short story. Child abuse, Holocaust experiments on the Jewish, are just few of many options the story could be describing. Mostly I wrote this for your own imagination to come up with what is happening.
Henderson's short story is wonderful. He really did leave it up to our imagination.
Grothe 2
Over time, this line became a symbol of togetherness, beckoning to those who needed support, and helped them find others who shared similar experiences.
Why do today? There's always tomorrow.
I really liked Noah Klamm's six word story, "Robot thinks for itself: builds robot". Mainly for the fact that it tells us that the robot copies itself to make another one. While this would seem to be a rather strange thing to like, it stuck out to me, because if this trend were to continue, it would mean exponential growth for said robot. If this continued, there would be a large enough population of robots to take over the world.
That colon was also pretty great.
Zell 7
1) Then the men showed up. A simple, no fluff sentence creating some suspense for the reader of the upcoming events.
2) Only their cries can be heard.
The cries are the millions of orphans throughout the continent of Africa. Specifically relevant to me – the country of Ethiopia. Ask me about my brother.
3) I enjoyed Garrow 2's sentences from his narrative. Just reading them I can practically feel the suspense and apprehension he went through at that troubling time. Very good work!
McIlravy 2
My Narrative: “Why did this have to happen to her?” This suspenseful sentence creates wonder and questioning on what comes next. When I read this sentence I feel fear and worry for what is about to come. I hope my readers feel the same.
Six Word Sentence: Live the life you have imagined.
Comment: Becca Long—your short story caught my eye because sometimes it is difficult to stay true who you really are. Others can make you want to change who you are, but the best thing to do is stay true to yourself.
"We followed them like pedophiles," "Time burned as it passed, scorching our minds like your throat after a hearty emesis," "drew us in like the smell of homemade cookies," and "The quintet split up like Mystery Inc." I don't know if you know this already, but I freaking love similes. So, when I put them in my essay quite often. They are light hearted and humorous, yet undoubtedly they deepen and strengthen any and all writing surrounding said similes.
Dear Staab 5,
Your words written as a short story echoed in my ears as simple, yet underneath said initial simplicity, one can't help but analyze multiple possible paths your story could have taken. Perhaps you meant only to say that one can only achieve what they perceive and believe as possible in their mind. One could also interpret the story as being said from the perspective of a mentally insane person, their soul and spirit literally trapped within their mind, unable to break out of their own prison and communicate clearly (or at all) with those not also trapped within their psychological prison bars.
Short Story:
I've only want to be loved.
The Branden Waldner said...
"We followed them like pedophiles," "Time burned as it passed, scorching our minds like your throat after a hearty emesis," "drew us in like the smell of homemade cookies," and "The quintet split up like Mystery Inc." I don't know if you know this already, but I freaking love similes. So, when I put them in my essay, they are light hearted and humorous, yet undoubtedly they deepen and strengthen any and all writing surrounding said similes.
Dear Staab 5,
Your words written as a short story echoed in my ears as simple, yet underneath said initial simplicity, one can't help but analyze multiple possible paths your story could have taken. Perhaps you meant only to say that one can only achieve what they perceive and believe as possible in their mind. One could also interpret the story as being said from the perspective of a mentally insane person, their soul and spirit literally trapped within their mind, unable to break out of their own prison and communicate clearly (or at all) with those not also trapped within their psychological prison bars.
Short Story:
I've only wanted to be loved.
Crap. How do I delete those? Just pretend there's only one (preferably the second, yet there's not a massive difference). Unless I get double points for having two, then definitely count both.
Spurlin 2
1. “Played beautifully, the Road Home recognizes trials and triumphs of the season. Chords steal our attention, plea for our emotions and grab our hearts.” This excerpt from my essay uses personification to set the mood. It thoroughly explains to the audience how our emotions sway during the moment.
2. My six-word story is “Friendship--could anything be more valuable?” Relationships are mandatory to human life; they are often taken for granted. Friends whether schoolmate, co worker or God they adhere our psyche and make us happy.
3. Staab 5 your story is intriguing. It caught my attention; it is mysterious and made me ponder the possibilities. I wondered if it meant depressed, restricted, and what holds you captive.
Williams 2
"His eyes gave a final goodbye as he began to let the tar pull him under. I soon realized he did not want to drag me into the tar pit with him, but he was looking for a clean hand to pull him out." This part of my essay refers to my brother's depression and how he had lost all hope when my own mind had gone awry. The tar pulling him down is the symbol for his depression throughout my essay.
Out of darkness come the redeemed.
Lien 5
“The nurse finally gestured to his room after we had passed through what appeared as a sci-fi spaceship control room, full of buttons and monitors, beeps and dings; I guess it was the nurses’ station. Our uncomfortable situation had grown due to the cold temperature, dim lighting, and over-sanitized aroma of the hospital room.” This is the part in my essay where I was able to trigger most of the senses. I also believe that a lot of imagery was used.
Late nights, early mornings, unhappy student. I hope that it comes out that I’m talking about procrastination because I seem to be a master at!
Anna Fruehwirth
pd. 7
I don't really like anything in my essay in particular, but...
...There was a moment where I froze with shock, surprised that I was bleeding because I had not felt it go in. I quickly pulled it out and covered the wound, hearing my father behind me.
“How’s it going?” he asked.
“I think I’m done now,” I replied, hoping my voice was not shaking. Another moment of silence. I could feel his eyes watching the back of my head as I waited for him to leave.
“Did you hurt yourself?” I removed my hand. He took one look at it and said the six words my mother dreads to hear. Whenever they are spoken, she knows something has gone terrible wrong. “You’d better go show your mother.”...
I think the mini conversation I have with my dad here is best part. At the time, I was scared that I would get in trouble, but looking back on it know I realize it was actually pretty funny.
Six word story: Homework equals stress, stress equals anger.
I don't think I'm the only person who gets snappy when I'm stressed out.
Todd:
I had to laugh when I read your short story. I have the incorrigible habit of pushing things off to the last minute, so it really spoke to me.
Dear Branden Waldner,
I like the simile following like pedophiles because it helps give a reader a sense of fear because most people would get nervous if a pedophile was following them.
Lien 5
I'm unsure how to leave a comment directly under the first but Rykhus, I love the sentence you shared from your essay. It lets me know that there was something that was changing for you. I remember when you were not as confident in yourself as you are now. It has been a pleasure to see your confidence grow and I would love to read your essay just from this sentence.
Your six word "story" is great and completely true! If your mind is present you will succeed in everything from the sheer amount of knowledge gained.
Dear Kline 5,
I really liked the name Olga because it fits well with the description following. I always think of a large towering woman. I think the name creates a level of connection for the author and reader because they may have similar images with the name Olga.
-Williams 2
Sternburg 1
1. “In front of the church between the maple trees, flourished these bright and wonderful flowers. I have never seen a gardener or landscaper maintain them, yet they never wilt, never dim, never die.” In my essay, I use these flowers to symbolize the purity of childhood. They are everlastingly magnificent just like childhood innocence and naiveté.
2. “Oh god, why’s it beeping?!”…BOOM!
3. Alana Hall: I think you should be proud of these sentences because they are doubleplusgood. Specifically, I think your word choice is effective in portraying the feelings you want the reader to experience. I enjoyed the words “sprawled,” “brown,” “untrimmed,” “pulsated,” “agony,” “surging,” and “tough” because they add a sense of severity and/or intensity to the passage.
Sometimes quotes can make very little sense outside of context. This is one of those quotes, but I believe it demonstrates the feeling of panic beginning to build up inside rather well.
“I started to glance behind me every few steps, since I was sure that any moment he would come to his senses and backtrack to my road. He didn’t. I began to get nervous. I turned around and started back towards the square. I looked down side roads, in hope that he had cut across to the right way. He didn’t appear.”
This quote just demonstrates a very small portion of the suspense built up, but I like the choppy sentences and repetition that kind of creates an off feeling when you read it, which matches the way I was feeling at the time.
Six-word short stories are hard to write! You want to have enough information for it to actually be an interesting story, and yet you can only use six words. I attempted to create a interesting situation that a story could easily be wrapped around. My story is:
Seeing the clearing, she gasped, relieved.
Zell 7, I like your short story because I feel like you can assume a lot just from those six words, which is difficult to do, but there is also plenty of room to make your own interpretations about the story. It seems like an original and thought out topic.
Knudtson 7
“We did not reach our mission time goal. The Cadre tell us that “You died” “These casualties are your fault, what happens when you are late in the coast guard?” No one answered. “PEOPLE
DIE!” A fellow Aimster did the worst imaginable. . .” I choose this excerpt because it give people a chance to see what may be happening but when it gets nearer the ending, they do not know what happens and they have to figure for themselves.
“Put the bat down, Wendy. Wendy?” This six word short story could has the possibility to mean anything. Though it has a meaning of its own, of a crazed man and his wife, what happened before this know one may know,but what happens next could be entirely different.
I enjoyed your excerpt from your narrative essay, because, as you said, it was very dramatic. Also it is great how the audience can feel like they are in the story compared to just plain old reading it! I also agree with your wonderful way of make myself, feel as though I need to know what happens, but can not read fast enough to find out.
Larson 7
A sentence in my essay that I believe is my best literary device sentence is, I could hear the wind pounding against the windows and the rain drops exploding as they hit the roof. I was terrified, curled up in my blanket, waiting for what would happen next.
Six- word short story: Be the person you want to be.
Becca Lien: I really enjoyed reading your sentences with the literary devices. The way you wrote makes me want to know more about your story. I love how you made it feel as if I was sitting in the hospital with you. It took me back to past memories
"She smells faintly of cough drops; feels like a freshly laundered microfiber blanket." In this sentence, I'm describing what sensations I'm feeling as I hold a Koala for the first time.
Six-word short story: "She felt the darkness closing in." My short story could be taken many ways. It could be about a girl dying, or simply falling asleep. Or someone close to her had died and she can feel the depression sinking in.
John Henry Knudtson: Oh my goodness. That six-word story is so powerful. And I'm intrigued to read the rest of your essay.
Third nudge, the tears were streaming down my face, my own personal streams have broken past the dam I had put in place. The miniature torrents slid down my cheeks and onto his murky and dull fur. These two sentences are describing what sensations I am feeling when I realize that my cat isn't going to wake up again.
Six word short story: "Love. You can't beat the inevitable."
This short story can explain many things. Such as why you married the person you did or why you broke up with your boyfriend. I can only say this due to my break up with Richard.
Your superior being and overwhelming diety, Richard Blue V: I must comment on your short story it is amazing how one can think that your defeat will be your triumph. I like that you think with loss and hardships and that winners will work harder to take what is theirs. I wish everyone would think this way sometimes.
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